What People Want

My Psychology and Women class did an activity a few weeks ago that was minor, but left a huge impression on me.  It was this activity called 5 for 5, where my teacher asks us 5 questions in 5 minutes which we have to answer as best we can.  Most of the time, the questions were standard, like what did you think of class, or do you have any thoughts/concerns about the class, but one question she asked really stuck out to me.  What are the three most important things to you about relationships?  Now, because we had been learning about Intimate Partner Violence, this was a touchy subject with lots of information new to me.  But it also stood out because of how I feel about love, which is idealistic and optimistic; it didn't always used to be like that though, especially with my struggles and how I've seen others handle it.  This was a minor question, but it was something that required a lot of thought.

I thought long and hard about the question for a few seconds, with countless words going through my head: honesty, love, communication, friendship, effort, trust, equality, happiness, etc. among others.  If it were possible, I would have listed all of them, but I could only pick three, which was not an easy thing to do.  I knew things like honesty and love had to be there, but things like communication and happiness intertwined.  It was not easy to do, but in the end, I picked love, honesty, and effort as the most important things in a relationship in that order.  Putting love first could be seen as negative to some, but I meant love in the sense that it was important for someone to actually have feelings and care about you as a person, which mixes in with many things.  Honesty speaks for itself, and things like communication and trust went with effort.  I handed in my answers feeling okay, but then instantly wondered if I had made a mistake.  Then again, how can you make a mistake on how you feel?

A few weeks later, the results were read for what both men and women thought was necessary for a relationship.  I forget the women's first choice, but honesty and sense of humor made their top 3, which I thought was brilliant and amazing, since sense of humor is something I think about all the time that seems obvious, yet it didn't even cross my mind once.  For the men, they picked love, honesty, and communication, which startled everyone in the class.  Now, the results may not seem shocking since obviously a lot of people thought the same things were necessary, but because of what we've been learning in our class, it would seem as though most people desire something sexual or artificial in a relationship, but we proved that relationships were changing with the times, and that some men and women wanted the same things now compared to before.

I've thought about everything in depth since then, and still wonder what the most important things are to a relationship, but I honestly think there isn't one answer.  It's a variety of answers, like the ones I listed before since many people want different things.  But while we all want a number different things, one thing I think we can all agree on is that we all want to be happy and help make the people we love and care about happy as well. 

What do you think though?  Are there things you value in more in a relationship than others?  And do you seem similarities between what men and women want, or do you think they are different?

The Burden Of Beauty

In my Psychology and Women course at school, we just got through the chapters discussing disordered eating, which is a scary thing for those of you who don't know much about it.  We learned about all the different types of disorders that are out there, the facts or myths about the beauty myth (depending on how you see things), and the enormous amount of pressure and insecurity women must go through daily because they are always judged by their appearance.  It's a terrible thing, but unfortunately the way things are.

As I was reading, like most times in my other classes, I was hit with a revelation.  Even though I was a man, I could relate to a lot of issues these women go through.  I've dealt with pressure and insecurities about myself because I used to be morbidly obese, and I sort of went through an eating disorder myself because I used to binge or not eat enough.  It was never to the point of being anorexic, but there were some parallels.  One difference between us obviously though besides biologically, was that I was that I knew I was the way I was because my doctor proscribed it for me.  I was obese because I was a certain weight above normal and it was affecting my health, which is why I started to change the way I am.  And I think it's worked as I've lost close to 60 pounds, and keep trying to achieve my overall goal of healthy weight and blood pressure.

That brings me to women.  As I said, it's terrible they are constantly judged and stigmatized by society, but they have the ability to overcome it because they have the ability to overcome anything.  I mean look at their feminist movements having the right to equal education and voting.  If you learn or research about it like I have, it's really inspiring stuff.  What I have a problem with, is when society affects a woman so much, that they think they need to lose weight or be more beautiful because it's necessary to succeed in life, when that isn't the case at all.  I think that's what society wants because they want people to use their money and buy their products.  But most women are beautiful just the way they are.  They don't need to lose weight or anything; they just need to feel confident and act like themselves.  I know it's difficult because society is so critical, but eventually gets through it.

The important thing you all should know is that only a small percentage of people will ever look like models (based off genetics), and that people in advertisements and magazines have their photos airbrushed most of the time, so that's not a realistic way of how to look.  I mean, how could a person look so perfect when there's no such thing as a perfect person?  So the point is, always be yourself.  Don't ask yourself if something makes your butt look big, or if you're fat?  Chances are you're fine the way you are.  And if you ever want to be sure, ask your doctor because a professional opinion helps the most when society clouds our minds with mixed messages.

Now to be honest, this topic only came to me because of class and because I have friends who constantly say they're not beautiful when they are.  I wish people could see themselves the way I see them though since then they'd see how wonderful they really are because of everything else.