The Better And Healthier Me

Today, I went into my basement and found something that I hadn't seen in years.  It wasn't a photo album or anything sentimental like that; it was my old stationary bike.  Not something people usually get excited over, but with my recent visit to the doctor, who said I needed to lose weight, what better way to add onto the exercise I already do, then riding my bike?  It's strenuous and convenient because I don't have to go outside my house to do it.  In the past, I didn't enjoy my bike because I found it boring, but now, I'm determined more than ever to lose the weight I need to be healthy.

After cleaning my bike because it was in the basement for so long, I decided to get on it and give it a test run.  Originally, I wasn't going to go too hard since it was my first time on it in years, but once I was on it, I rode it with no difficulties.  It was pretty easy with my IPod, and the only negatives were the seat, which hurt my butt.  Since the bike is old, it doesn't have good resistance settings, but you can turn the knob or just pedal harder, which I did.  I didn't expect to sweat so much, but in no time at all, I had ridden an hour straight and was sweating through my shirt.  Something I was very proud of.  Hopefully, that type of enthusiasm and results continue!  That way, I can be a better and healthier me.

Lifting Weights And Adding Muscle

Recently, along with the cardio and walking exercises I usually do, I've started lifting weights to try and add muscle.  In the past, I've tried doing it, but it was too difficult and strenuous on my joints and muscles, so I stuck to cardio.  But now that I've lost a good deal of weight, I think it's time to start building muscle, or at least have some sort of six-pack.  One of my motivations is because I want to be even healthier, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to be more attractive as well.

So far, I've been starting small out lifting dumbbells and doing situps and pushups to try and build my upper body strength, but it's been a difficult process.  Not just maintaining it, but doing it well.  And knowing that I can't do it everyday.  I admit, I have been feeling the effects, but even I wonder if it's worth it for the pain it's caused me.  I won't know for awhile, but until then, I'll try my hardest to get stronger.  Hopefully, the hard work pays off.

Suiting Up For What's Ahead

With my sister's wedding being less than a few weeks away, you'd think I'd be happy for it, but I'm kind of not.  Don't get me wrong, I'm happy she's getting married, and making the next big step in her life with the one she loves, but planning the wedding has been stressful from the arrangements, food, guest lists, and most importantly, the cost.  I'm not even directly involved in it, yet I feel drained from the whole experience.  Yesterday, didn't make things any better though, as I had to go out and buy a suit for the wedding.

Buying a suit sounds like a luxurious thing from the way they portray it in the media, but since I've never gone to any formal event, or had a job interview, I've never had to wear a suit before.  In the past, I always wore nice dress clothes, but this time, I couldn't do that.  I went to the suit store with my parent's yesterday not having any prior expectations, besides knowing that the suit would be very expensive, and expecting the process to be a pain.  But surprisingly, it didn't start out that way.  At the beginning, everything started out great, with the employees being attentive and very helpful with me, but after trying on suits and pants, they got antsy just because I gave them my wrong pant size by accident twice.  How was I supposed to know jean sizes are different from pant sizes when almost 100% of the time, I wear jeans?  Or know you aren't supposed to wear suit pants low?  I eventually got pants, but they had to be tailored because they were a size too big.  It was bad enough having to buy suits, but then have employees get angry at me because I make a mistake.  I'm the employee.  You're supposed to be serving us.  We're giving you business to pay for your salary.  You're not supposed to make me feel worse just because I'm a little bigger than most people.  It's a shame that even though I lost weight, there's still always more work to do, or that people seem to favor "beautiful" people in society.  But then again, things have always been like that.

All in all, yesterday was a pretty miserable day, besides the morning when I had dim sum with the family.  It was cool getting new clothes to some degree, but honestly, I hope I don't ever have to buy a suit again because the experience was terrible.  But at least I'll be ready for my sister's wedding ahead.  And hopefully, that day is better than what yesterday was.

Mom's Just Don't Understand

With Mother's Day being a few weeks away, I should be more appreciative of my mom (and believe me, I am with everything she's done for me).  But like everyone who has a mom, there are just times when she drives me crazy.  Like today, she calls me just to ask if I've been eating?  I tell her of course I am, but she wants me to keep eating more, since she thinks I'm losing too much weight.  Her point is valid since I have been trying to lose weight, but I've been doing it to lower my blood pressure.  I thought she would understand because for years she hounded me about losing weight, but now she wants me to gain it all back; it makes no sense, and stresses me out to the point that I think even if I was ideally healthy, I'd still have high blood pressure because of everything I'm dealing with.  I know my mom is only looking out for what's best for me, but I wish she would see down the middle more, since if she did, she would understand how I really feel.

Muscle Spasms

Over the past few days, I experienced something I had never had before, which was a muscle spasm in my lower back.  I had had my share of feet and leg cramps, but nothing internally I had compared to the pain I felt.  Especially when it happened, which was when I was washing dishes.  I'm minding my own business, until I feel the sharpest pain in my lower back.  At first, I thought it was just part of my body being stiff, that could just be cracked, but it wasn't.  No matter what I did, the pain didn't subside; it even hurt to lie down or stand, making me wonder if something serious had happened to me.

Luckily, after researching, I realized what I had, and followed directions how to get better.  I stay hydrated, got exercise, and took some medicine like Advil.  Most of the pain I have is gone now, but it's still hard to get up sometimes when I go to sleep.  Hopefully, I never have to go through something like this again, but if I do, at least I'll be prepared.

Buying A Scale

Recently, with my blood pressure rising and gain in weight, I decided to make, what was in my mind, one of the few sound purchases of my life, which was a scale.  We have one in my house, like most families, but that scale was getting old, and giving inaccurate readings, so I wanted a new one to measure myself.  With all the different options out there, I was confused which one would be worth buying, but decided on a EatSmart digital one because it had the most buys and customer reviews.  It cost more, but I figured if that many people bought it, then there must be something good about it.

The scale came to my house a few days ago and looks splendid like some minimalist painting; it's white, slim, and glass, but very sturdy for its size, which I like.  Because it was digital and I stink with technology, I thought it would be difficult to set up, but it was actually very easy, and even came with batteries.  My only issue with the scale is that even though it's  consistent, it gives different weights in different rooms, which I understand if I do it on a rug, but all my floors are hardwood, so I don't know what to think.  I don't want to return it, but I want to know my weight.  Such a dilemma; I wish I was healthier, so I didn't have to deal with all this crap, but what's a person to do?

I'm not sure, but I know I'll be checking myself daily.

Under Pressure To Be Healthy

Yesterday, I went to the doctor's, and the results were average to say the least.  My health is good, and my blood pressure has gone down, but I gained back more weight than I thought I did from the holidays, so now my mission is to lose 10-15 pounds.  I wish I could say this would be a cakewalk, since I've already lost 50 pounds, but everyone knows the last few pounds are always the hardest, and that it's hard going on any diet for an extended period of time.  I know I can do it, and am determined to, but it's so frustrating having high blood pressure at such a young age.  I thought it was my weight that made it high, but even after losing it, I still have issues.  And worse of all, in the past, when my weight was high, my blood pressure was low, but now that I weigh less, my blood pressure is high.  THAT MAKES NO SENSE, and is frustrating as hell!  With results like that, I sometimes question the system or how I'm even functional.

The thing I question even more though is genetics.  I understand that diseases and other things run in the family, but I can't understand how my brother is healthier, despite the fact he eats more greasier foods than I do.  Not to mention in such large quantities.  To add onto that, I know people who weigh more than me, but somehow they're healthier.  How can this be?  I love being young, since it gives me an easier chance of improving my health, but when I think about it in the grand scheme of things, it sucks.  I'm always under such pressure to be healthy, while others aren't.  But at the same time, I know there are others who have it worse than I do, so I'm grateful my health isn't too bad.

It sucks I gained my weight back, but I guarantee that the next time I see my doctor, I'll be thinner.  Hopefully, I'll be healthier, but only time will tell...

Vegan and Vegetarianism

Tomorrow, I have a doctor's appointment for a blood pressure check, which shouldn't be a big deal, but for me, it always is.  Having a history of high blood pressure that runs in the family, and being so stressed about everything always puts my health at risk.  Eating lots of food used to add to that, but I changed my diet around the past 2 years to help alleviate the problem.  Unfortunately, with holidays and break, I definitely ate more than I should off, which probably caused my weight to go up.  With health on my mind, lately, I've been contemplating a huge decision, which is if I should become a vegan or vegetarian?

Now, don't get me wrong, I like meat as much as the next person (and don't even like that many vegetables besides soft ones), but when it comes to your health, you have to do what's best.  And research statistics have shown cutting meat can add years to your life.  I'm not an expert of the subject by any means, since I didn't know there was even a difference between being a vegan or vegetarian, but I have friends who are/were vegetarians.  Those who have stuck with it are strong and seem happy, but those who go back to meat can't imagine living without it, and wonder how they did it for so long.  I don't know if it's something I could do, but I think it's something to definitely consider.

In the end, here's hoping to a good blood pressure check tomorrow.  I may be stressed a bit, like I always am, but I feel content with where I am in life.

Naps

Waiting for my finals to come is a long and draining process, especially in this snowy weather, which has basically trapped me in my room.  With that being the case, besides watching shows on my laptop, I've been napping almost everyday.  I suppose it's a good thing, but to me, I see it as a negative because there's a myth that you gain weight if you nap/sleep often.  That may just be something I was told when I was obese, but it's something that has stuck with me my whole life.  Naps are good, especially in college, but everyone knows there is a time when you have to wake up and face life.  On weekends like this though, where the weather sucks, I don't think there is anything wrong napping and staying warm. 

Hope things improve outside, but until then, I guess I'll take another nap.  Wake me up when this storm is over.

The Burden Of Beauty

In my Psychology and Women course at school, we just got through the chapters discussing disordered eating, which is a scary thing for those of you who don't know much about it.  We learned about all the different types of disorders that are out there, the facts or myths about the beauty myth (depending on how you see things), and the enormous amount of pressure and insecurity women must go through daily because they are always judged by their appearance.  It's a terrible thing, but unfortunately the way things are.

As I was reading, like most times in my other classes, I was hit with a revelation.  Even though I was a man, I could relate to a lot of issues these women go through.  I've dealt with pressure and insecurities about myself because I used to be morbidly obese, and I sort of went through an eating disorder myself because I used to binge or not eat enough.  It was never to the point of being anorexic, but there were some parallels.  One difference between us obviously though besides biologically, was that I was that I knew I was the way I was because my doctor proscribed it for me.  I was obese because I was a certain weight above normal and it was affecting my health, which is why I started to change the way I am.  And I think it's worked as I've lost close to 60 pounds, and keep trying to achieve my overall goal of healthy weight and blood pressure.

That brings me to women.  As I said, it's terrible they are constantly judged and stigmatized by society, but they have the ability to overcome it because they have the ability to overcome anything.  I mean look at their feminist movements having the right to equal education and voting.  If you learn or research about it like I have, it's really inspiring stuff.  What I have a problem with, is when society affects a woman so much, that they think they need to lose weight or be more beautiful because it's necessary to succeed in life, when that isn't the case at all.  I think that's what society wants because they want people to use their money and buy their products.  But most women are beautiful just the way they are.  They don't need to lose weight or anything; they just need to feel confident and act like themselves.  I know it's difficult because society is so critical, but eventually gets through it.

The important thing you all should know is that only a small percentage of people will ever look like models (based off genetics), and that people in advertisements and magazines have their photos airbrushed most of the time, so that's not a realistic way of how to look.  I mean, how could a person look so perfect when there's no such thing as a perfect person?  So the point is, always be yourself.  Don't ask yourself if something makes your butt look big, or if you're fat?  Chances are you're fine the way you are.  And if you ever want to be sure, ask your doctor because a professional opinion helps the most when society clouds our minds with mixed messages.

Now to be honest, this topic only came to me because of class and because I have friends who constantly say they're not beautiful when they are.  I wish people could see themselves the way I see them though since then they'd see how wonderful they really are because of everything else.

High Blood Pressure

Yesterday, I went to the visit the doctor for my annual checkup.  It's something that only lasts about 20 minutes, but to me, it feels like hell on earth.  You may think I'm exaggerating, but if you've lived the life I have health-wise, you'd dread going to the doctor's too.

My appointment overall was good.  In the past, my weight was the thing that messed up my health the most, but this year, it stayed the same from last year.  I'm still a little overweight, but I didn't gain anything which is good.  The thing that really stunk though was my blood pressure, which was 140/85.  Since its been a constant problem the past few years, my doctor recommended I see a cardiologist for medication.  I should probably feel happy that something could actually help me control my high blood pressure, but I don't because I've been to a cardiologist before, and it's a pain in the ass.  Plus, I've tried hard to change my diet a lot this year from salty foods to healthier choices, so it's a shame that it didn't pay off.  I guess I just made a mistake, or genetics was just too much because my family has a history of high blood pressure, among other health problems.  Maybe I shouldn't worry only being 22 years old, but I'm not a child anymore.  These things are real now.

A few years ago, the term high blood pressure was foreign to me, but now it feels like I can't go a day without hearing about it.  I still don't fully understand everything about it, or what causes it genetically, but I'm determined to work my hardest to lower it since I want to improve my health, and live a long and healthy life.  I know it'll be hard with genetics, and all the food and stress I go through on an everyday basis, but I have no doubt I can fix it, medication or not.  I do wish I could stop feeling so depressed sometimes, but I can't control that all the time, so I'm just going to try to be the best me possible.  And it starts now!