Finding and Making Time

There's a common phrase that is said that, "If you love or want something, enough, you make time for it".  And that is something I wholeheartedly agree with.  I mean, who wouldn't want more things they love in their life?  For me, it would be difficult in choosing the things I love, per se; the word love has dumbfounded people since the beginning of time.  But one thing I do love and have a passion for is writing.  Since I was a kid, I always did, which shocks people because who likes doing extra work as a kid?  But I did; I remember vividly being excited for writing assignments, sharing, and trying something new.  And once I got older, actually creating something, whether an essay or a novel (like I am trying right now).  The process is so frustrating, but when it works, few things are more satisfying.

The funny thing is that now that I am done with school, you'd think that I would have more time to write, but it's quite the opposite.  I work full time, now, which takes up a quarter of the day, then have to do other things, like eat, sleep, chores, exercise, and all the other daily things life likes to throw at me.  It's an exhausting daily process, and by the time I'm done or have a second of spare time, the last thing I want to do is write.  But I guess that is something I need to work on.  Because writing is a passion of mine, and one of my dreams is to have a published novel and tell my story, but it's so difficult to do on a daily basis.  I thought school was a hard enough obstacle, but once you clear one, new ones appear.  And that is the case this time.  I want this bad enough, so I guess I have to make the time.  But it just makes me marvel at people more who have to do so much, yet have so little time.  How do they do it? 

All I can say is, I wish we had more hours in the day.  Or that life was a little easier so we could all take a breather. 

Moving On Up

I'm MOVING ON UP!

Okay, not literally "to a deluxe apartment in the sky", like in The Jeffersons, but in terms of the job I currently have, I'm moving on up.  Last week, at the grocery store I work at, I was given the role of team trainer of my department by the higher ups.  It came as a surprise to me, not just because of how soon it was since I started working, but the fact that I was the only person they had in mind for the position.  Part of me felt like they just gave it to me because I'm friendly and talk a lot, but that's not a bad thing; I like to think of that as an asset.  And I'm a hard worker, who has taught others in the past, so maybe they thought I would be a good example?  I'll never know, but what's done is done, and now I'm the new team trainer of my department.  I have to admit, I'm a little miffed that it's mostly paperwork and technical stuff to start, but I guess everyone has to do that when they move up in the ladder.  It means a lot that my bosses and coworkers have faith in me, though.  That makes me want to return the favor.  And by doing a good job, my confidence and self esteem go up, as well as production for the store.  I hope I can do a good job and make everyone proud. 

I'll admit, I certainly never thought I would get this far in a short time, but this is just the beginning for me.  Hopefully, there are more good things, ahead!

The Thing About the Post Office

When it comes to others doing their job, I believe that I have no right to complain when I get terrible customer service.  I know as people, we have a right to, and if it was really bad, then I'd have to think about it.  But we can all relate to having a bad day and not being our best.  And I took forever to get a job, myself, so I would hope that some people understood.  But one place I have always loathed is the post office.  Not the people themselves, or the delivery people, who I think are some of the hardest working people out there.  Just the institution and what it represents.  While I do enjoy it when I get mail or packages, there are some things that they do that just annoy me.  And by annoy me, I mean, a lot.

One thing that has always annoyed me is the fact there is no mail/post on Sundays.  This is nothing that is their fault; I know by law, Sunday is a day of rest, and everyone deserves a day off.  But the demand for mail and packages has never been greater, so you'd think that some places would change that.  Also, the economy is still going through a crisis, so why not give more jobs to help more people?  Economically, I guess it might not make sense because the post office isn't Microsoft or anything in terms of funds, but I think more people would be willing to if the funding was there.

Another thing I hate is delivery vehicle policies.  And I know everyone can relate to this.  You're waiting for a package or something to be delivered, and it says it is on its way, only, it never shows up.  Worst, they leave you a slip saying there was no place to securely leave the product or saying they rang the doorbell, but no one answered.  I understand that the first line of reasoning can happen.  Not all neighborhoods are safe.  But there have been too many times where they have just left the slip and just lied about ringing the doorbell.  How is that good customer service or even honest?  I know that the people who drive those trucks and deliver are people too, and they probably want to go home after a long day, but they still have a job to do, like we all do.  We don't always like it, but we have to do it.

I'm sure I could go on and on with this, but I'm not really angry like I am in a typical rant.  I'm just miffed by some of the actions of the post office.  Now if you'll excuse me, it's Sunday and I need to go to work.

KCONNY & Penn and Teller On Broadway: My Trip to NJ/NY

My trip to NJ started with KCONNY

This might be one of the most obvious questions I've ever asked, but have you ever relived or replayed certain moments in your life over and over again?  I suppose everyone does for the good and bad moments to feel/relive the positive moments, again.  And to of course, learn from the negative ones.  My summer had a mix of both, but one of the best moments I had this past summer was going to KCONNY in New Jersey and seeing Penn and Teller on Broadway the same exact weekend!  I couldn't believe my luck, 4 bucket list things crossed off in a single 3 day span.  I was excited for KCON because of my growing appreciation and love for KPop music, while I've always wanted to Penn and Teller for years, since I love their magic acts.  Once the plans were set, I was excited, and counting down the days until the show.

Waiting for me always sucks because like most people, I would rather experience the thing I'm waiting for right away, rather than waiting.  And you know what they say, often times the anticipation is better than the feeling of the actual thing you're waiting for itself.  But I can say with certainty that was not the case this time.  My initial thoughts on KCON have to do with where the event was held, which was at the Prudential Center in NJ.  I wouldn't have a problem with that normally, except they kept advertising it as NY, which I felt was very misleading; I know that NJ doesn't have the same ring as NY, but I know many who bought tickets, only to be disappointed that the event wasn't where they thought it would be.  And the area itself was so run down and shady.  It was so urban with many random strangers trying to come talk to me.  If it wasn't for the few big restaurants and my hotel, I don't know what I would have done.  Also, I've never been to big conventions, so I don't know if this is the norm, but only the concert was INSIDE!  The convention and everything before was outside, which I had a problem with because that wasn't what I was expecting, and it was so hot out.  At least 90 degrees both days I was in New Jersey, which caused me to sweat and tan quite a bit.  But on the plus side, it was great to interact with other KPop fans, since I rarely get a chance to do that.  I have a friend or two who likes it like I do, but barely anyone I know really likes it.  So having this rare opportunity to connect/talk was a joy, talking about biases, KPOP experiences, and their own experiences on the trip.  And of course, the concert itself was amazing!  Not much to say about it, the music was spectacular!  Seeing all the beautiful people was such a dream because I was finally able to see the artists/idols I love to listen to in person, and presentation wise, it was on point, as every group was introduced one by one.  I only wish the venue had sold out because I thought the audience could have been louder, but we had close to 17,000-19,000 there.  Not bad for the first KCON on the East Coast.  If possible, I'll certainly try to go back next year if I like the artists in the lineup.  But if not, I'll always have the memories, and of course, the KPop albums I bought there, which were my first KPop memorabilia.

On the last day of my trip, I spent it in the Big Apple, NY.  It was mainly to go see Penn and Teller on Broadway, since I had bought the tickets weeks in advance, but it was nice to do some sightseeing.  Because of time constraints, I couldn't go everywhere I wanted, but I checked out certain areas I wanted to, and tried a NY bagel, which I thought was delicious (albeit the long line).  Once that was out of the way, it was off to go see Penn and Teller, which was a disaster because of the Dominican parade closing down half of Times Square, which almost made me late to the theater.  And the fact that I couldn't find the theater, even with my phone.  While this was happening, I was so pissed off at the fact I could miss the opening act, being such a huge Penn and Teller fan that I was, and the fact I paid close to $300 to sit in the first row.  But I got to the theater with 2-3 minutes to spare.  I was happy to find the place I needed to be, but in no mood to talk.  As soon as the show started, all my negativity went away, and I was fixated on the show.  It was great seeing Penn and Teller, live, doing all the tricks I had become accustomed to seeing online.  They were a lot bigger than I thought they'd be, but that was sort of what I expected.  My only minor complaint was that I didn't see some of the tricks I wanted (like the Magic Bullet), but considering the small stage and the fact we only had 90+ minutes, I think I made out alright with what I saw.  And I had a chance to meet them, which I would have done, if not for the long line and the fact I had a time limit to get back.  Next time, though, hopefully.

So, all in all, that was my trip to NJ/NY.  It had its downs, but was mostly a wonderful experience for me.  It's ironic how initially, I didn't want to go on the trip because I didn't think I could get time off from work, and because of the cost of it.  But I'm glad I did, because I rarely get to do things like this.  And financially, besides things I need to use my money on, like student loans, my money is just going to waste, so why not use it on something to live out one of my dreams or things on my bucket list.  You only live once, and I'm not getting any younger.  Besides that, I got the rare chance to bond with my brother, which we haven't done much our whole lives.  So, if I can take away anything from this trip, it's the fact I was fulfilled in so many ways, much more than I was expecting. 

My trip ended in NY with Penn and Teller

Butterflies in My Stomach

A few days ago, I briefly mentioned that one of the biggest and most memorable things that happened to me the past summer was having a romantic interest, again.  It's nothing new for me, or anyone, since just about everyone likes someone at some point in their lives.  And the way our culture is now, with apps and social media, there are more ways than ever to connect.  But this time, something was different.  Besides being attracted to her right away (which usually never happens), and thinking she was the most beautiful/gorgeous woman I've ever seen (I still think this), I had butterflies for her.  The first time ever that I ever had that for anyone.  And even though things are sadly over, I'm still perplexed at what they are, and why I got them for her and no one else, before? 

Because of the questions I had, I did lots of research on butterflies the past few weeks and months through forums and asking others, and have come up with the conclusion that butterflies are a nervous, tingly, feeling a person gets in their stomach and body when they're around someone they like.  Usually they happen initially or at the "honeymoon stage", but they supposedly disappear over time.  That's the gist of it anyways, and I think that is an accurate description, because whenever I was around the girl/woman I liked, I had butterflies like crazy.  I've been nervous around women I have liked before, but I had never had that mix of nervousness to the point I had for this girl.  It was something I had never felt before, and it caused me to feel like it was brand new, again, which in some ways, it was.  Because I've liked girls/women before, but we usually knew each other previously through school or through a mutual friend, so it was a lot easier to interact, while for this, it was one of the most challenging experiences I've ever had.  I looked as butterflies as a double edged sword, since they were positive because of the feelings they gave me, but being so nervous did hold me back at times when I tried to make a move.  More often times than not, I was left disappointed at myself for not doing something at all or sooner, but I've learned that these things can't be rushed, or they happen.  No need to beat yourself up, they happen, just keep on trying.

In the end, my experience was what it was.  Because of circumstances, like I said, more likely than not, it's over.  I feel proud for trying and putting myself out there, because if you've ever asked someone out or tried to tell them how you feel, then you know how difficult it is.  But I can't help feeling sad that things are incomplete.  I did like this girl/woman a lot, and really did want to get to know her, but I guess it's hard when they're already seeing someone.  And in the culture we live in with dating vs. seeing vs. exclusivity, nothing is defined anymore; it's just so confusing.  The thing about butterflies to me is that they don't just give you the feeling of liking someone, they give you hope.  And my love life has been such a struggle, I've never even been on a date, before, so I guess the potential of not just being with, but knowing someone I thought was amazing and not getting that chance, is so disappointing.  Butterflies might be a hindrance to some, but it's nice to know when you've given up on love, like I have, that you can still feel that way for someone, and of course, meet someone special in the process.  I guess that's why it is so difficult to move on or do anything.  But I would never change that or give it up, because the feeling of butterflies are unique and this girl/woman was the only person to ever make me feel this way. 

I have no doubt that if nothing changes, I'll probably move on and like someone else again.  We all do, but I never want to forget this feeling, since it was a real growing experience for me.  As someone who has been on the opposite side of rejections so many times, I wish there was some way both parties could mutually benefit each other, but I know that's impossible.  Someone has to get heartbroken.  So while I'm sad that I may never get to experience anything with a girl/woman who I considered my dream girl, I'm grateful to have just met her, interact with her, and to have had butterflies. 

DeflategateHate

In the battle of Roger Goodell vs. Tom Brady for Deflategate, the winner is... Tom Brady

When it comes to the four major sports in the U.S (football, baseball, basketball, hockey), there seems to be a flaw with all of them in terms of the league itself.  The NFL has concussions and too many off the field issues, baseball has steroids and cheaters, the NBA product had cheating at one point and the product itself is usually not as compelling until the postseason, while hockey has too many injuries, as well as the concussion issue.  Personally to me, these are all bothersome and hurt all the major sports, but like most fans, we put up with all this and more because we love sports and the feeling it gives us to watch them and be a part of it.  I was never into sports growing up or athletic, but I got into it as I got older, I now follow/watch it religiously.  It's a good hobby/passion, and being so close to it makes you really feel connected, whether your team wins or loses.  Being in Boston, I'm spoiled because our teams have won so many titles in the past decade.  I should be used to it, but I'm not, of course, so when the Patriots beat the Seahawks in this year's Superbowl, obviously, I was rejoiced, but then Deflategate started, which took away from the game and really tested the patience of fan and people everywhere.

I remember the first time I heard about Deflategate, I didn't think it was a big deal, initially, because it supposedly happened during the Colts in the AFC title game, which the Patriots won handily.  "What's the big deal?" I thought, only a few psi (whatever that was), would that have made a difference?  Probably not, since the Patriots were the better team, regardless, and won by such a large margin, but the fact it happened at all, caused the league to act.  They had to, after all the mishaps they had had in the past year plus.  Tom Brady had to give a press conference, which I admit, he did not come off good in, but it was before the Superbowl; the man had other things on his mind.  And even when he won the Superbowl, it didn't stop there.  More information came out, there was the Wells report, which said things he did and didn't do, as well as information about other employees.  And of course, the big one, Roger Goodell suspended Tom Brady for 4 games.  Four games, are you serious?!  This from the guy who only gave Ray Rice a 2 game suspension, initially, for hitting his fiance in an elevator, on tape, which everyone saw.  You messed that decision up bad, but don't take it out on us.  You're the commissioner; it's your job to get decisions right and admit when you're wrong, but Goodell did neither of that, because he knew he didn't have any substantial evidence on Tom Brady, and the league had to win a case after how bad it looked during the domestic abuse cases, as well as losing during Bountygate.  But justice prevailed, because with how Goodell handled everything, as well as having little evidence, Tom brady got his 4 game suspension revoked and will be back starting the season opener in less than a week from now.

Now, I know I left a lot of things out about the case, but that's because we won't know more until more is done.  And this case has been beaten to death, to the point that is has become tiresome to even waste energy on.  Everyone has talked about it so much the past few months, that we forgot football is a sport and the Patriots won the Superbowl.  But now that it's over, we can get back to focusing on football, which is so close to starting it's regular season.

A few final thoughts, though.  I think the NFL should count its blessings.  Yes, they lost Deflategate for now, and look like a laughingstock, once again, but no other major sports league in the U.S. makes as much money as they do or gets the ratings they do.  They can afford to look bad, because NFL fans will never leave them, which is a luxury I think they often overlook.  Do you remember how bad the NBA and NHL were after their lockouts?  Or baseball in 1994 after the strike?  It was in a bad state that I think it is still recovering from.  The NFL has so many off the field issues, it is ridiculous, if you count domestic and drug abuse, as well as neglect with concussions in the past, but it doesn't matter sadly, because the fans will never stop watching it.  The demand for it has never been higher, with the amount of good teams, profit from games, sales, fantasy football, etc.  That is why, like I said, everyone hated Deflategate, because it took away from the game that no one wants to see go away.  And of course, started mainly because of Roger Goodell.

Roger Goodell, it's ironic how his name has become synonymous with parody and jokes.  I remember a few years ago, before I graduated, he gave the commencement speech at my university, which was a big deal, since he was the commissioner of arguably the biggest sports league in the world.  At the time, I remember him having an actual good approval rating with fans alike because he took over for Paul Tagliabue, who left him with a mess to clean up, and handed out fair punishment on head hits.  But look at him now, he has fallen so far.  You hate to see that happen to anyone, especially when he is probably not a bad guy.  And he has a difficulty job having to appeal to both the owners and players, but that's what happens when you have no consistency/credibility, as seen by his past decisions, and face Tom Brady.  Now, he's just another loser and Tom Brady is back, ready to lead the Patriots on another Superbowl defense.  Hopefully, this chapter of controversy is over, but if not, as least we have something to distract us from it the way it did before.  "Are you ready for some football?"  I think... we all are

August is Over: The Summer That Was...

August is over and September has officially started.  Nothing new in the grand scheme of things; it's something we're all used to if you've been alive on this Earth long enough.  But this time, for me, it's different because I just had one of the most memorable Augusts and summers I've ever had in my life, for better or worst.  In the past, I've done posts about months and time periods, but rarely do I ever do them feeling this enlightened.

The past summer was memorable for me for many reasons, it was the first time I ever went into the summer with a job, the first time almost all of my friends were gone, and for the first time ever, I had a serious crush that I actually liked, among many other things.  Everything as a whole, was challenging.  Work-wise, it was difficult because if you know me and my past, I've never worked before and the process was so new.  For 10 months prior, I had been job searching, updating my resume, and going on numerous interviews to no avail.  And in some cases, blizzard-like conditions because of living in Boston.  Once I finally got my job in a supermarket, I thought it would be easier and I'd have more spare time because I was part time to start, and I was working in food, so I thought "how hard could it be"?  But that quickly changed fast, as the work was so much to handle to start, and my department went through a lot of changes, so I was quickly bumped up to full time.  I tried to be more confident than I had been in school when I dropped classes so quickly, but I couldn't handle it in this situation, nearly quitting after the second day.  But I stuck through it, made mistakes a long the way like any person, but with training, and time to get more comfortable in the situation, I've thrived since then, becoming a better worker, and having more input on the team, which has made me proud of how far I've come in just a short time.  Sometimes, I wish I just had more confidence in myself, but I guess it takes time.  It also helps that I have great coworkers who don't just treat me as coworkers, but friends, and they put me in an atmosphere to succeed.

Friends coming and going is something we're all used to.  As we've gotten older, it just happens.  But it's something that is still hard for me to get used to, since I've been so used to having my friends around me my whole life, whether it was for school, hanging out, or just to get advice.  They've been there, so much that I refer to them as "The Gang".  That's why this summer has been so challenging.  It's the first summer where almost all my friends are gone, whether they've moved or are just busy working.  There have been ones who are still here, and we've hung out a few times, but it's not the same without everyone else in "The Gang" together.  Luckily, I have had things that have made me take my mind off the fact my friends haven't been around like work, and I have met new friends I can hang out with or talk to in the meantime.  And for some of my friends, it's not all good-bye since we still find ways to communicate, like through texting or social media, which is a relief for me, because life is too difficult to go through it alone.

Love, we all know about it!  I certainly talk about it enough.  It's one of the best feelings in the world when it works, but when it doesn't, it's a pain that is hard to describe or get rid of, especially if you've felt it so many times.  It's ironic how universal the feeling of love is, but the definition/experience varies between people, but maybe that is part of the beauty of it?  Anyways, after the past year+ I had with a past rejection, I was in no mood for love, but I couldn't help it when I saw "her".  At my job, the first day I interviewed for it, I saw the most beautiful/gorgeous (put in any adjective you want) woman I have ever seen in my life.  It's a phrase I have used before, but I use it sparingly, and I had never been so humbled/put in my place before.  Not like this at least.  Love at first sight?  I didn't believe it at first, but I couldn't take my eyes off her, or believe that no one else was talking to her, despite the fact she was a cashier (maybe they had nothing to buy?)  I thought about maybe saying something to her that day, but then decided against it, because if I didn't get the job, we'd probably never see each other again.  But, I eventually got the job, and got to know her little by little whenever I could, since we didn't work specifically together.  But long story short, things did not work out.  I liked her for 3 months, but when I finally had the courage to ask her out, I found out she was taken.  Another rejection for me.   It's happened to me so many times (in different ways), but I never get used to the feeling; it always makes me so sad to put so much effort into something, only to have the results end the same way.  Everyone who knows what happened says I should feel proud for trying, and I do feel that way since this was, to me, one of my first steps into adulthood, asking someone out I didn't know, at work, who I didn't go to school with or know mutually, though my friends.  But it stinks to be rejected for what feels like the millionth time, or have your heart played around with rumors or the ups and downs of any pursuit.  I'm not as bad as I could be (cause we weren't like bffs), and I know I will move on and eventually like someone else (barring any miraculous change), but I just wanted this to work out so bad; the girl/woman I liked was so wonderful, we seemed to have a lot in common, and she had so many traits I admired.  But things don't always go your way.  Some guy is very lucky, though, so I hope he appreciates her.  As for me, despite the result, I'm just grateful I met someone amazing and experienced the feeling of love, again, after a difficult 2014.  It's a good learning experience.  Although, it sucks it sort of just ended abruptly, cause who knows... but that is part of life, I suppose.

So, those are some of the major things that happened to me the past summer.  It's a lot more in depth than I would usually like to go, but I feel like subscribers and readers deserve it after my long hiatus from blogging.  There was still so much that happened this summer I didn't get to talk about, so maybe I will in a future post.  For now, though, the summer is over.  Maybe not technically in terms of the date, but it is to me in terms of feeling (I'm sure students would agree).  It wasn't all good or bad, but it was about experiences and learning.  Hopefully, it will lead to me blogging more, again, which I hope to do in the future.  As well as me becoming a better person, which I try to do everyday.