Apink: My Favorite/Top 16 Songs

Before I start this post, let me tell you a little story.  One time when I was taking a writing class in college, I was given a piece of information I never forgot.  At the time, I was considering becoming a freelance writer, because I didn't know if being a novelist/writer was what I wanted or ideal.  Taking notes, I remember the teacher telling me that if you want to get a person's attention, do an article/post with lists or numbers, since those really catch people's attention.  And the numbers often indicate to them how much time they'll spend reading/looking at the subject matter.  I remember being skeptical, but then realizing how right that teacher really was.  I look at lists such as top 10's all the time, and when it comes to making lists, that is something I enjoy.  It's challenging, and always subject to change, but it's great to get the creative juices flowing and analyze why something is important enough to be even be ranked in the first place.  Not many things in life are important enough for me to do that for, but Apink/KPop is one of them.  Recently, I've been checking out various Youtube channels that had top 10 songs for groups, and was inspired to do one for APink, because they are my bias group, and I was curious why I liked certain songs more than others?  I love all their songs, but WHY?  It was a subject matter that I really wanted to delve into, so I took out my notebook and my headphones to concoct my 16 favorite/top Apink songs.

Songs on this list will be ranked based on various criteria, wherever applicable: How the song sounds, lyrics, interpretation/meaning, MV, choreography, repeat-ability, etc.  Regardless of reason, it will have something to do with me.  This list/ranking is just my opinion, and since it's Apink, is certainly likely to change.  But I hope you all enjoy!  You might even be surprised.

Honorable Mention- Perfume (from Pink Memory): I know I'm sort of cheating including an honorable mention to a list of 16 things (which is long enough on its own), but I had to give this Apink song the recognition it deserves.  I narrowed it down to "I Need You" and "Hush", but ultimately chose "Perfume".  When I first heard it, I really didn't like it.  Didn't sound anything like them, but then I slowly kept listening to it more, and loved the beat of it.  If they ever did a band concept, this would be the song I think they would pick.  I could picture them performing it with all their instruments.  And I could see myself performing it on Guitar Hero/Rockband, or in my living room, which may or may not have happened, lol.  It's just such a jam and unique from their typical sound.

16. So Long (from Pink Blossom): This song made the list because of how sad and truthful it is.  On its own, it sounds that way, but if you read the lyrics, it's touching.  About two people who grow up together as friends, develop feelings, but don't realize it.  The girl seems to be hiding her feelings because she is afraid, while the guy seems oblivious (never been in that situation before...).  It seems because of what happened, they have to part, which just pulls at my string because of how real that is.  Also Namjoo and Eunji's part at the bridge.  Emotional.

 

15. Love Like A Fairytale/Once Upon A Time (from Pink Luv):  This song's lyrics are wonderful because it talks about love as it relates to fairytales, which is one of the oldest comparisons in the world, but still effective.  It talks about the girl's yearning to find their prince and find that glass slipper.  Not really saying that they want a fairytale love, but how long they are willing to wait.  Their belief in love is clear to feel in this song.  I also love how the end of the song plays something that sounds like a music box, which is also nostalgic of many fairytales and films of olden days past, such as Disney ones.  A nice, subtle touch.

 

14. 04/19 or April 19th (from Une Annee):  If you know about the history of this song, you know it's a song Apink wrote to celebrate the anniversary of their debut, as well as a thank you to fans.  I'm always a sucker for that stuff because it's nice to know the idols think about us the way we do them.  Also, Chorong wrote this song, which is a beautiful and touching composition.  This is a song that really shows their hard work and appreciation for how far they have come.  Every time I listen to it, a different memory comes up from their history.  But one image/performance always stands out that makes this song unforgettable.

 

13. What A Boy Wants (from Pink Memory): When it comes to picking a bias in a group, I have to be honest, usually I put maknaes last because I feel like they have to earn my attention, being so young.  But that wasn't the case with Hayoung.  She's never really been cute the way a maknae should be, she is more beautiful/gorgeous.  But the thing I like most about her is how active she is, not just socially, but in terms of the group.  And that is very true with this song, that she wrote!  That is an achievement in itself since many idols do not write their own songs, let alone good ones, but she did, here.  The song is catchy and very interesting, once again highlighting an oblivious lover.  The girl seems to know how she feels, but wonders why the guy doesn't know, which is what she wants.  After all the songs Apink has sung, you think they'd know us guys are dumb, lol, but their songs still hit us in the right spot, and this is one of them.  One of the best songs off Pink Memory, in my opinion.

12. LUV (from Pink Luv): Finally, a main title track song has made the list.  "LUV" is one of Apink's most popular songs, being commercially and critically well received for its vocals and mature, yet innocent tone, compared to many of their cute songs.  They were already popular when this song was released in 2014, but this song cemented their status as not just one of the best girl groups in Korea, but one of the top groups, overall.  Personally, I love the way the song is arranged/composed; it's a lot different with having Eunji and Bomi lead off the songs with the chorus, Naeun is part of that too, as well as Chorong at the end, which I love.  It gives the others a chance to shine.  The music video is also very sad in tone, which is very fitting of the autumn look they were going for.  Honestly, I used to loathe this song because it wasn't as upbeat as some of their other main tracks, but its vocals touch me.  And that has always counted when it comes to APink.    

 

11. Sunday Monday (from Pink Blossom): This is one of Apink's favorite songs, and when you listen to it, it's no wonder why.  Its message about loving someone, everyday and wanting to be/see them, is a contagious and heartwarming message that really makes you think about the special moments you have with people.  Apink sings this song all the times to fans, which I find really sweet, because as a diehard Panda, it means a lot to know that they care.  As a pop song, this delivers on all levels, but I love the guitar sound in this song, because it really seems like a song that could be performed acoustically for that special someone.  And if anyone is good at capturing love, it's Apink.

10. NoNoNo (from Secret Garden):  I feel like not much has to be said for "NoNoNo"; it is one of Apink's iconic songs that launched the group into super-stardom after their short hiatus when they came back as 6 members.  There are so many reasons to love this song, but a few reasons why I love it are because of the lyrics, which are catchy and show how much of a healing song it is.  And the fact the MV gives so much fanservice, as well as shows the fun you can have in life to get over any negativity.  Eunji's high note at the end is an exclamation point.  When life gets you down, just say, NoNoNo (I went there, lol). 

9. Good Morning Baby (from Pink Luv): I feel as though few Apink songs are as refreshing as "Good Morning Baby".  It's so upbeat and hearing this song alone gives you a sign that it is going to be a good day.  But what does it for me is the choreography for this song, which is so fast paced, as well as the lyrics, which talk about a couple, and how one person loves waking up to another person because they're in love, but takes the time to appreciate every part of their day together because that is what makes it/them special.  I just feel rejuvenated when I listen to this song, so I hope you do as well.

8. Remember (from Pink Memory): Apink's most recent comeback has a special place in my heart because it was the first comeback of theirs that I followed once I officially became a Pink Panda.  The song itself has garnered mixed reviews from fans, it seems, but I love how unique it is.  The composition of the song mixes in a lot of different chords and sounds.  And visually, in terms of color and depth, I think it is the best looking music video.  The girls change hairstyles and sets many times, it literally feels like you are going with them on a vacation (can I, please).  One other thing I also love is the fact the choreography matches the lyrics, such as when they are writing on the sand; that is my favorite part, as well as the fact all the girls get so many lines.  A great comeback by Apink, in my opinion, perfect for summer, and one of their standouts for sure.

   

7. Secret (from Pink Luv): This song does so much for me.  It is a ballad, but not the typical, slow one I think many are accustomed to.  One thing I love about the Pink Luv album is how the sound is so mature, and how prominent Apink's vocals are.  Their look and choreography are great, but any group can have that.  Not many groups have vocals, which Apink has, especially soulful ones, like they have in this song.  When they sing this, I feel as though I am transported to some venue and just listening to them tell me their secret.  It gives me a blues vibe, which fits in with how emotional the vocals are.  Just powerful!

 

6. Attracted To U (from Pink Memory): I'm sure I will surprise people putting "Attracted to U" so high on the list, but this song touches me so much on an emotional level when it comes to love and relationships.  First off, it's a ballad, which scores major points.  But its lyrics capture a feeling so perfectly.  Apink has always been good at that, and it's no different here, as the girls sing about that feeling when they realize they like somebody.  Things are different to them, days seem longer, sad songs on the radio seem different than before.  It is so truthful.  Its choreography/performance live is something I also love.  It's simplistic, but still shows off their gracefulness.  Check out its lyrics, and I think you'll be impressed.  This song isn't a main title track, but has so much emotion it it.

 

5. Secret Garden (from Secret Garden): Apink has done so many ballads that it is hard to pick the best one, especially since they all have good vocals and each one is a standout in its own right.  But "Secret Garden" has always been one of my favorite gems.  Its lyrics are wonderful, about opening yourself up to a person, but I love the MV because of how simplistic it is.  The girls have on little makeup, are dressed up in white to represent their goodness/purity.  And with such minimalist detail, we are left to focus on Apink and the scenery, which is I often do, anyways.  The standout thing about this song, though, is that everyone sings in the chorus, not just Eunji, Bomi, or Namjoo, one of the few times it happens.  And I don't just mean backing vocals, everyone does.  All of the member's have wonderful vocals, but when they sing in harmony, it's beautiful.  It reminds me of another song I love, "How Deep Is Your Love", by the Bee Gees, since they sang in harmony all the time.  The girls rarely do this, but when they do, it's special, memorable, and you remember why you fell in love with them in the first place.  I've listened to this song so many times, now I just hope to see it performed live, someday.

4. BubiBu (from Une Annee): KPop is big on aegyo, and if there is any Apink song that personifies cuteness, this might be it.  This song off Unee Annee wasn't the main title track, but it was one of the promoted singles.  And for good reason.  It's so damn catchy and cute, and the choreography might be one of my favorites.  But its lyrics are what catch my eye, in unison with its cute theme.  It seems to represent the feelings a girl or person might have for someone, but they can't explain it, so it's BubiBu.  I don't know about you guys, but that is so sweet and true of when you fall in love.  You are all over the place, and it's hard to often pinpoint how you feel.  One thing is for sure, this song is wonderful and magical.  When I hear BubiBu, I just think of magic because that's what falling in love is really like, such as when I fell in love with Apink <3.

3. Mr. Chu (from Pink Blossom): If you know anything about me, you know why this song is on here.  But if you don't, let me explain.  "Mr. Chu" was the first Apink song I ever heard in my life, and it made me fall in love with these 6 magical/wonderful girls.  That alone is a reason why it is so high, because it has lots of sentimental value for me.  But aside from that, the song is a triumph.  It's catchy, cute, it's choreography is in synch and one I do often; its lyrics once again capture a specific moment in a relationship, which I love.  It's music video is one of my favorites, with its brightness/colors.  And the image that if you like someone, the best thing to do is be patient.  As well as the fact that the best present is yourself.  I get such feels from this song, especially for APink.  Hearing it for the first time, you know why it's a hit.  If it wasn't for "NoNoNo", I think this would be their signature song.

2. I Don't Know/Mollayo (from Seven Springs of Apink): The only Apink song I call by its Korean name is their wonderful debut song, "Mollayo".  Sometimes, debut songs can be forgettable, but not the case with Apink.  Their debut song was so fresh with its lyrics about how a guy is so dense, he doesn't realize she likes him, lol, as well as the MV, which has so many memorable moments.  I always remember seeing Naeun, first, and how she introduces us to Apink, Gikwang being knocked out (how did that happen), Bomi bumping into the door, Eunji giving a bookmark, etc.  Little makeup, not too many fancy sets, just the girls belting their hearts out and singing.  A debut song is just supposed to let the world know you have arrived, but Apink didn't just do that with this song, they showed off their cuteness, while at the same time, showing the skills they had, as well as a consistency and sincerity they would continue to have throughout their whole career.  The song is just amazing, but Eunji's high note at the end speaks volumes.  It's 2016 and 2011 was a long time ago, but "Mollayo" will always be their first song.  And one of the best debut songs ever for a KPop group.

1. My My (from Snow Pink): Now, my favorite/top Apink song of all time is, "My My" from Snow Pink.  I admit, if I could have, I would have put this and "Mollayo" as my top songs, but I wanted to be truthful to this list, so I put this at number 1, which was a tough decision to make, when I love all their songs.  This song has a lot of traits as "Mollayo": cute, wonderful choreography, and strong vocals, but one thing I love about it, like many Apink songs, is that it sounds like they are singing directly to you.  "You're My My", sounds like they are saying I am their special person, which resonates instantly with me.  Not to mention, it has wonderful line distribution and a MV that starts off sweet, but then gets fierce with its memorable imagery, such as them partying and then dancing in NBA jerseys, which was so memorable/standout and ahead of its time.  It was just such a unique and wonderful look.  I think overall, that is what sets it apart from "Mollayo".  I love that song, but this song just refines everything a little bit more.  Their dance and vocals have improved, and they are even more cute in a song with lots of color, fanservice, and an Eunji high note.  That is a winning combination for me, and why Apink is My My!

 

So, here are my favorite/top 16 Apink songs!  With the girls still being active, it is certainly not finite and subject to change at any time.  This was one of the hardest lists I ever had to write (I'm already thinking of changing some of the choices now, lol), but I enjoyed the challenge and examining why I love Apink so much.  I hope you enjoyed reading and gained more of an appreciation for these 6 wonderful girls like I have.  One cliche thing I hate about KPop is when someone says a group's songs all sound the same, but you can tell from this list that is not the case.  Even if songs do have similarities, there is a special meaning or story for all of them that make them stand out.  Which ones are your favorites?  Happy Valentine's Day!  And thanks for reading!   Apink, fighting!  SARANGHAE <3

Seeing Apink and Why I Love KPop

Bucket lists are a funny thing to me.  Not in that they exist, but the context in which they're used.  Often times, I hear people saying, "I want to do this because it's on my bucket list".  But bucket lists are meant as something you do once, or before you die.  For older people, it makes sense to say that, but when I hear younger people say that, it makes me scratch my head.  Why put limits on yourself when you have a whole lifetime to do something?  And what could be so important that it even requires the term, bucket list?  I always wondered that because nothing in my life had ever seemed that important enough, besides love, which is on everyone's list, as far as I'm concerned.  But after seeing Apink, my favorite KPop/musical group in LA a little over a week ago, I can finally say, I understand what people were talking about. 

Let me backtrack a little, though.  Most people who know me well, enough, know how much I love KPop or Korean music.  But in terms of KPop, I always had trouble choosing or stanning (means being a fan/representative of a group).  There were male groups I loved to listen to like 2PM, SHINee, B2ST, VIXX, INFINITE, Got7, B.A.P.  And in the case of female groups, there was Sistar, Girls Generation, AOA, f(x), etc.  But none of them touched me on an emotional level.  Even 2PM, who was the first group I listened to, that got me into KPop; I loved them, but the connection wasn't there, that I went crazy, bought merchandise, or passionately followed them.  Not to mention, in KPop, usually guys like female groups and women like male groups.  So I wanted a female group to stan.  It was just so hard to find because all idols and groups have good looking members, but it's always been about the music first for me.  So I looked high and low to no avail, which made me give up.

But, that all changed a few months ago, when I went to my first KPop event, KCon2015 in New York/New Jersey.  My brother was in the front seat of the car we were in, and he was playing an endless playlist of KPop songs galore.  It was mostly Girls Generation songs because everyone had heard of them, but I nodded off off and on because I didn't know all their songs or the members, which if I don't know, is a huge turnoff.  I almost fell asleep in the car since it was a long ride, until I heard the song, "Mr. Chu".  Apparently, it was a very popular song the previous year, but I had never heard of it, so I asked my brother who sung the song because it was catchy, and it was getting stuck in my head.  The beat, the vocals, the chorus, it was hitting all the right notes.  I expected my brother to say some random group I had never heard of, but when he said Apink, I was shocked.  I had heard of them before, since they were from the ACube/Cube, the same music company as many of my favorite KPop groups, but I just never knew their music was like that.  So after the insanity and joy that was KCon, I checked out all of APink's latest songs, music videos, you name it.  I thought I might have found the right group, but I took precaution, since this wouldn't be the first time I thought this way before.  Since I had just started buying KPop albums, recently, I bought one of Apink's albums, Pink Blossom, since it had the song, "Mr. Chu", on it.  But after looking through the photobook and listening to all the songs, I bought their whole discography at once; then other stuff, like posters, photos, DVDs, cups, and even pillows.  It was safe to say I really fell for Apink.  After that, I followed them constantly, wherever I could, following their Facebook and Twitter page, and watching their reality shows and performances on various sites.  Most people thought I would get tired of them, but how could I when I loved a group so much?!

Then the unthinkable happened a few months ago.  I had discovered through Twitter that a girl group was going to tour in North America for the first time.  They didn't say who, specifically, but I and most others assumed it was Apink with the hints and silhouette they gave, and of course, like the KPop fans we are, we were right.  Apink was going to tour in North America for the first time, although only in the parts of Canada and the West Coast.  I was excited, but heartbroken that I was unlikely going to be able to see them since I didn't live anywhere close to where they were performing.  But after thinking about it and doing calculations in my head, I determined that I could go if I got the time off from work, and saved up enough money.  I just had to do things in cycles, which I did.  First, I chose the venue I wanted to go to, which was LA, since it seemed the most appealing and I had some family out there.  Then I got the days off approved, which only left the major task of actually getting the tickets.  I still needed plane and hotel tickets, but the Apink tickets were top priority for me.  KPop tickets are hard enough to get, but once they announced there would be Meet + Greet and photo op, I knew that my chances weren't going to be easy.  Being as big of an Apink fan as I now was, I wanted the top ticket and the chance to meet my dream girls.  But luck has historically never been on my side, and I usually mess things up.  Not to mention, my brother had experience buying KPop tickets, and he said that they sold out fast, so my hopes weren't that high.  I desperately wanted to meet Apink, but now that everything I had wanted happened, I would have just been happy to go and cheer them on.  But luck did reward me and my patience, because on the day that the tickets went on sale in LA, I was one of the few 200 or so people that was fortunate enough to get the top tickets, Meet + Greet.  I had never ordered tickets, through a site that had a waiting room, or bidding, but it was a process I didn't want to repeat, again.  It was so stressful, having multiple devices open, waiting for the page to reload, knowing that you were competing against other people.  But I was so glad I got my ticket, I jumped up and down happier than a child getting their favorite toy on Christmas.  I was really going to see Apink, my favorite KPop group, in LA!  Was this really happening?

It was, and let me just say, now that the moment has come and gone, it was a spectacular and memorable experience.  I went on a plane for the first time, to a state that wasn't on the East Coast, and I got to meet/see my favorite group, while meeting a few good people in the process, who have the same passion and love for APink/KPop like I do.  I don't know exactly how all of them feel, but I know lots of people said it was one of the best night's of their lives, which I have to agree with.  I never dreamed months ago, that I would actually see Apink, live, but there I was, 3000 miles away from home, in LA, with hundreds of people, loving and cheering for our favorite group.  It was so emotional.  And the girls put on a show.  They were so nice during the Meet + Greet, which I was fortunate enough to do; I barely remember it, since it was so fast, but I remember that they had small hands and smelled really good.  And I got to talk to my favorite member a little and make eye contact, which was an unforgettable experience.  They had a lot of fan interaction, and of course, performed all their hit songs, which I and everyone else sung along, too.  There was water on stage for the members to drink, but I honestly think I needed it more, since I lost my voice after the first song from screaming.   

A question people are often asked for anything is why they like somebody or something?  It's often complex to answer, but when it comes to Apink, it's one of the few things I can explain clearly.  Yes, they're all beautiful (lots of groups have that), but besides that, they create wonderful music about love and other topics that are instantly relatable to me.  I love male groups because they sing and write love songs that I can relate to, or imagine myself singing to that special person.  When Apink sings, I imagine falling in love with that person or them for that matter.  And in terms human beings, Apink is wonderful.  If you read/watch their interviews or shows, you can see how genuine and sincere they really are.  And how hard they have worked  since their debut in 2011.  There are lots of groups out there, but there are few groups that I have so many similarities with.  That's why I love APink, because they are so close and I can see my friends and I doing the same things they do.  My favorite member or bias is Eunji, the main vocalist of the group, because I love her voice, her acting, her look, everything.  But I do love all the members, Chorong, Naeun, Bomi, Namjoo, and Hayoung because they represent different aspects of myself.  Eunji is outspoken and honest, Chorong is the conservative/introverted strong leader, Bomi is the energy of the group, Naeun is the shy, humble, attentive idol, Namjoo is always happy and cheerful and speaks for the group, while Hayoung, being the youngest, has to work the hardest, but always tries her best, whether in singing and making her members happy.  I suppose when I look at Apink that way, it's no wonder I love them so much.  They say music is something that represents you, and that is no different with Apink.  They just make up 6 different parts that make me who I am.  I used to be unsure with KPop and myself as a person, but because of them, I'm more sure than ever now, and these girls are here to stay <3.

I'm 24, and hoping that I still have lots of years left to live.  I haven't done much in my life, compared to other people my age, but I'm glad I took the risk to go thousands of miles just to see Apink because meeting and seeing them truly was a life changing experience.  It was on my bucket list, but I didn't think it would actually happen.  Now, that is has, though, I hope I'm wrong about bucket lists, and I get to see them again, because I love them so much <3.  To some, KPop is just music, but to me, it's a part of my daily life and routine.  And when I see Apink, I realize they are, too.  Saranghae Apink <3.  FIGHTING!

I'll always remember 1/9/16 as the day I met/saw Apink.  The day has since passed, but I'll always have the memories.

Moving On Up

I'm MOVING ON UP!

Okay, not literally "to a deluxe apartment in the sky", like in The Jeffersons, but in terms of the job I currently have, I'm moving on up.  Last week, at the grocery store I work at, I was given the role of team trainer of my department by the higher ups.  It came as a surprise to me, not just because of how soon it was since I started working, but the fact that I was the only person they had in mind for the position.  Part of me felt like they just gave it to me because I'm friendly and talk a lot, but that's not a bad thing; I like to think of that as an asset.  And I'm a hard worker, who has taught others in the past, so maybe they thought I would be a good example?  I'll never know, but what's done is done, and now I'm the new team trainer of my department.  I have to admit, I'm a little miffed that it's mostly paperwork and technical stuff to start, but I guess everyone has to do that when they move up in the ladder.  It means a lot that my bosses and coworkers have faith in me, though.  That makes me want to return the favor.  And by doing a good job, my confidence and self esteem go up, as well as production for the store.  I hope I can do a good job and make everyone proud. 

I'll admit, I certainly never thought I would get this far in a short time, but this is just the beginning for me.  Hopefully, there are more good things, ahead!

The Thing About the Post Office

When it comes to others doing their job, I believe that I have no right to complain when I get terrible customer service.  I know as people, we have a right to, and if it was really bad, then I'd have to think about it.  But we can all relate to having a bad day and not being our best.  And I took forever to get a job, myself, so I would hope that some people understood.  But one place I have always loathed is the post office.  Not the people themselves, or the delivery people, who I think are some of the hardest working people out there.  Just the institution and what it represents.  While I do enjoy it when I get mail or packages, there are some things that they do that just annoy me.  And by annoy me, I mean, a lot.

One thing that has always annoyed me is the fact there is no mail/post on Sundays.  This is nothing that is their fault; I know by law, Sunday is a day of rest, and everyone deserves a day off.  But the demand for mail and packages has never been greater, so you'd think that some places would change that.  Also, the economy is still going through a crisis, so why not give more jobs to help more people?  Economically, I guess it might not make sense because the post office isn't Microsoft or anything in terms of funds, but I think more people would be willing to if the funding was there.

Another thing I hate is delivery vehicle policies.  And I know everyone can relate to this.  You're waiting for a package or something to be delivered, and it says it is on its way, only, it never shows up.  Worst, they leave you a slip saying there was no place to securely leave the product or saying they rang the doorbell, but no one answered.  I understand that the first line of reasoning can happen.  Not all neighborhoods are safe.  But there have been too many times where they have just left the slip and just lied about ringing the doorbell.  How is that good customer service or even honest?  I know that the people who drive those trucks and deliver are people too, and they probably want to go home after a long day, but they still have a job to do, like we all do.  We don't always like it, but we have to do it.

I'm sure I could go on and on with this, but I'm not really angry like I am in a typical rant.  I'm just miffed by some of the actions of the post office.  Now if you'll excuse me, it's Sunday and I need to go to work.

KCONNY & Penn and Teller On Broadway: My Trip to NJ/NY

My trip to NJ started with KCONNY

This might be one of the most obvious questions I've ever asked, but have you ever relived or replayed certain moments in your life over and over again?  I suppose everyone does for the good and bad moments to feel/relive the positive moments, again.  And to of course, learn from the negative ones.  My summer had a mix of both, but one of the best moments I had this past summer was going to KCONNY in New Jersey and seeing Penn and Teller on Broadway the same exact weekend!  I couldn't believe my luck, 4 bucket list things crossed off in a single 3 day span.  I was excited for KCON because of my growing appreciation and love for KPop music, while I've always wanted to Penn and Teller for years, since I love their magic acts.  Once the plans were set, I was excited, and counting down the days until the show.

Waiting for me always sucks because like most people, I would rather experience the thing I'm waiting for right away, rather than waiting.  And you know what they say, often times the anticipation is better than the feeling of the actual thing you're waiting for itself.  But I can say with certainty that was not the case this time.  My initial thoughts on KCON have to do with where the event was held, which was at the Prudential Center in NJ.  I wouldn't have a problem with that normally, except they kept advertising it as NY, which I felt was very misleading; I know that NJ doesn't have the same ring as NY, but I know many who bought tickets, only to be disappointed that the event wasn't where they thought it would be.  And the area itself was so run down and shady.  It was so urban with many random strangers trying to come talk to me.  If it wasn't for the few big restaurants and my hotel, I don't know what I would have done.  Also, I've never been to big conventions, so I don't know if this is the norm, but only the concert was INSIDE!  The convention and everything before was outside, which I had a problem with because that wasn't what I was expecting, and it was so hot out.  At least 90 degrees both days I was in New Jersey, which caused me to sweat and tan quite a bit.  But on the plus side, it was great to interact with other KPop fans, since I rarely get a chance to do that.  I have a friend or two who likes it like I do, but barely anyone I know really likes it.  So having this rare opportunity to connect/talk was a joy, talking about biases, KPOP experiences, and their own experiences on the trip.  And of course, the concert itself was amazing!  Not much to say about it, the music was spectacular!  Seeing all the beautiful people was such a dream because I was finally able to see the artists/idols I love to listen to in person, and presentation wise, it was on point, as every group was introduced one by one.  I only wish the venue had sold out because I thought the audience could have been louder, but we had close to 17,000-19,000 there.  Not bad for the first KCON on the East Coast.  If possible, I'll certainly try to go back next year if I like the artists in the lineup.  But if not, I'll always have the memories, and of course, the KPop albums I bought there, which were my first KPop memorabilia.

On the last day of my trip, I spent it in the Big Apple, NY.  It was mainly to go see Penn and Teller on Broadway, since I had bought the tickets weeks in advance, but it was nice to do some sightseeing.  Because of time constraints, I couldn't go everywhere I wanted, but I checked out certain areas I wanted to, and tried a NY bagel, which I thought was delicious (albeit the long line).  Once that was out of the way, it was off to go see Penn and Teller, which was a disaster because of the Dominican parade closing down half of Times Square, which almost made me late to the theater.  And the fact that I couldn't find the theater, even with my phone.  While this was happening, I was so pissed off at the fact I could miss the opening act, being such a huge Penn and Teller fan that I was, and the fact I paid close to $300 to sit in the first row.  But I got to the theater with 2-3 minutes to spare.  I was happy to find the place I needed to be, but in no mood to talk.  As soon as the show started, all my negativity went away, and I was fixated on the show.  It was great seeing Penn and Teller, live, doing all the tricks I had become accustomed to seeing online.  They were a lot bigger than I thought they'd be, but that was sort of what I expected.  My only minor complaint was that I didn't see some of the tricks I wanted (like the Magic Bullet), but considering the small stage and the fact we only had 90+ minutes, I think I made out alright with what I saw.  And I had a chance to meet them, which I would have done, if not for the long line and the fact I had a time limit to get back.  Next time, though, hopefully.

So, all in all, that was my trip to NJ/NY.  It had its downs, but was mostly a wonderful experience for me.  It's ironic how initially, I didn't want to go on the trip because I didn't think I could get time off from work, and because of the cost of it.  But I'm glad I did, because I rarely get to do things like this.  And financially, besides things I need to use my money on, like student loans, my money is just going to waste, so why not use it on something to live out one of my dreams or things on my bucket list.  You only live once, and I'm not getting any younger.  Besides that, I got the rare chance to bond with my brother, which we haven't done much our whole lives.  So, if I can take away anything from this trip, it's the fact I was fulfilled in so many ways, much more than I was expecting. 

My trip ended in NY with Penn and Teller

Butterflies in My Stomach

A few days ago, I briefly mentioned that one of the biggest and most memorable things that happened to me the past summer was having a romantic interest, again.  It's nothing new for me, or anyone, since just about everyone likes someone at some point in their lives.  And the way our culture is now, with apps and social media, there are more ways than ever to connect.  But this time, something was different.  Besides being attracted to her right away (which usually never happens), and thinking she was the most beautiful/gorgeous woman I've ever seen (I still think this), I had butterflies for her.  The first time ever that I ever had that for anyone.  And even though things are sadly over, I'm still perplexed at what they are, and why I got them for her and no one else, before? 

Because of the questions I had, I did lots of research on butterflies the past few weeks and months through forums and asking others, and have come up with the conclusion that butterflies are a nervous, tingly, feeling a person gets in their stomach and body when they're around someone they like.  Usually they happen initially or at the "honeymoon stage", but they supposedly disappear over time.  That's the gist of it anyways, and I think that is an accurate description, because whenever I was around the girl/woman I liked, I had butterflies like crazy.  I've been nervous around women I have liked before, but I had never had that mix of nervousness to the point I had for this girl.  It was something I had never felt before, and it caused me to feel like it was brand new, again, which in some ways, it was.  Because I've liked girls/women before, but we usually knew each other previously through school or through a mutual friend, so it was a lot easier to interact, while for this, it was one of the most challenging experiences I've ever had.  I looked as butterflies as a double edged sword, since they were positive because of the feelings they gave me, but being so nervous did hold me back at times when I tried to make a move.  More often times than not, I was left disappointed at myself for not doing something at all or sooner, but I've learned that these things can't be rushed, or they happen.  No need to beat yourself up, they happen, just keep on trying.

In the end, my experience was what it was.  Because of circumstances, like I said, more likely than not, it's over.  I feel proud for trying and putting myself out there, because if you've ever asked someone out or tried to tell them how you feel, then you know how difficult it is.  But I can't help feeling sad that things are incomplete.  I did like this girl/woman a lot, and really did want to get to know her, but I guess it's hard when they're already seeing someone.  And in the culture we live in with dating vs. seeing vs. exclusivity, nothing is defined anymore; it's just so confusing.  The thing about butterflies to me is that they don't just give you the feeling of liking someone, they give you hope.  And my love life has been such a struggle, I've never even been on a date, before, so I guess the potential of not just being with, but knowing someone I thought was amazing and not getting that chance, is so disappointing.  Butterflies might be a hindrance to some, but it's nice to know when you've given up on love, like I have, that you can still feel that way for someone, and of course, meet someone special in the process.  I guess that's why it is so difficult to move on or do anything.  But I would never change that or give it up, because the feeling of butterflies are unique and this girl/woman was the only person to ever make me feel this way. 

I have no doubt that if nothing changes, I'll probably move on and like someone else again.  We all do, but I never want to forget this feeling, since it was a real growing experience for me.  As someone who has been on the opposite side of rejections so many times, I wish there was some way both parties could mutually benefit each other, but I know that's impossible.  Someone has to get heartbroken.  So while I'm sad that I may never get to experience anything with a girl/woman who I considered my dream girl, I'm grateful to have just met her, interact with her, and to have had butterflies. 

August is Over: The Summer That Was...

August is over and September has officially started.  Nothing new in the grand scheme of things; it's something we're all used to if you've been alive on this Earth long enough.  But this time, for me, it's different because I just had one of the most memorable Augusts and summers I've ever had in my life, for better or worst.  In the past, I've done posts about months and time periods, but rarely do I ever do them feeling this enlightened.

The past summer was memorable for me for many reasons, it was the first time I ever went into the summer with a job, the first time almost all of my friends were gone, and for the first time ever, I had a serious crush that I actually liked, among many other things.  Everything as a whole, was challenging.  Work-wise, it was difficult because if you know me and my past, I've never worked before and the process was so new.  For 10 months prior, I had been job searching, updating my resume, and going on numerous interviews to no avail.  And in some cases, blizzard-like conditions because of living in Boston.  Once I finally got my job in a supermarket, I thought it would be easier and I'd have more spare time because I was part time to start, and I was working in food, so I thought "how hard could it be"?  But that quickly changed fast, as the work was so much to handle to start, and my department went through a lot of changes, so I was quickly bumped up to full time.  I tried to be more confident than I had been in school when I dropped classes so quickly, but I couldn't handle it in this situation, nearly quitting after the second day.  But I stuck through it, made mistakes a long the way like any person, but with training, and time to get more comfortable in the situation, I've thrived since then, becoming a better worker, and having more input on the team, which has made me proud of how far I've come in just a short time.  Sometimes, I wish I just had more confidence in myself, but I guess it takes time.  It also helps that I have great coworkers who don't just treat me as coworkers, but friends, and they put me in an atmosphere to succeed.

Friends coming and going is something we're all used to.  As we've gotten older, it just happens.  But it's something that is still hard for me to get used to, since I've been so used to having my friends around me my whole life, whether it was for school, hanging out, or just to get advice.  They've been there, so much that I refer to them as "The Gang".  That's why this summer has been so challenging.  It's the first summer where almost all my friends are gone, whether they've moved or are just busy working.  There have been ones who are still here, and we've hung out a few times, but it's not the same without everyone else in "The Gang" together.  Luckily, I have had things that have made me take my mind off the fact my friends haven't been around like work, and I have met new friends I can hang out with or talk to in the meantime.  And for some of my friends, it's not all good-bye since we still find ways to communicate, like through texting or social media, which is a relief for me, because life is too difficult to go through it alone.

Love, we all know about it!  I certainly talk about it enough.  It's one of the best feelings in the world when it works, but when it doesn't, it's a pain that is hard to describe or get rid of, especially if you've felt it so many times.  It's ironic how universal the feeling of love is, but the definition/experience varies between people, but maybe that is part of the beauty of it?  Anyways, after the past year+ I had with a past rejection, I was in no mood for love, but I couldn't help it when I saw "her".  At my job, the first day I interviewed for it, I saw the most beautiful/gorgeous (put in any adjective you want) woman I have ever seen in my life.  It's a phrase I have used before, but I use it sparingly, and I had never been so humbled/put in my place before.  Not like this at least.  Love at first sight?  I didn't believe it at first, but I couldn't take my eyes off her, or believe that no one else was talking to her, despite the fact she was a cashier (maybe they had nothing to buy?)  I thought about maybe saying something to her that day, but then decided against it, because if I didn't get the job, we'd probably never see each other again.  But, I eventually got the job, and got to know her little by little whenever I could, since we didn't work specifically together.  But long story short, things did not work out.  I liked her for 3 months, but when I finally had the courage to ask her out, I found out she was taken.  Another rejection for me.   It's happened to me so many times (in different ways), but I never get used to the feeling; it always makes me so sad to put so much effort into something, only to have the results end the same way.  Everyone who knows what happened says I should feel proud for trying, and I do feel that way since this was, to me, one of my first steps into adulthood, asking someone out I didn't know, at work, who I didn't go to school with or know mutually, though my friends.  But it stinks to be rejected for what feels like the millionth time, or have your heart played around with rumors or the ups and downs of any pursuit.  I'm not as bad as I could be (cause we weren't like bffs), and I know I will move on and eventually like someone else (barring any miraculous change), but I just wanted this to work out so bad; the girl/woman I liked was so wonderful, we seemed to have a lot in common, and she had so many traits I admired.  But things don't always go your way.  Some guy is very lucky, though, so I hope he appreciates her.  As for me, despite the result, I'm just grateful I met someone amazing and experienced the feeling of love, again, after a difficult 2014.  It's a good learning experience.  Although, it sucks it sort of just ended abruptly, cause who knows... but that is part of life, I suppose.

So, those are some of the major things that happened to me the past summer.  It's a lot more in depth than I would usually like to go, but I feel like subscribers and readers deserve it after my long hiatus from blogging.  There was still so much that happened this summer I didn't get to talk about, so maybe I will in a future post.  For now, though, the summer is over.  Maybe not technically in terms of the date, but it is to me in terms of feeling (I'm sure students would agree).  It wasn't all good or bad, but it was about experiences and learning.  Hopefully, it will lead to me blogging more, again, which I hope to do in the future.  As well as me becoming a better person, which I try to do everyday.

A Stupid, Forgettable Experience

For anyone that has followed my work, or knows me well, they know that I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).  Anyone who's like this knows how annoying it is not being to do anything without everything being in place, but it has its benefits.  For one thing, you're usually always tidy.  And another thing about having OCD is that you never lose or misplace anything.  Unfortunately, that wasn't the case on Monday as I had one of the stupidest moments of my life happen.  Looking back, it was so bad, it's not even stupid anymore; it's laughable.

On Monday, I went for a morning run/walk like I usually do that if time and weather permit it.  The day started off normally, besides the fact it was snowing outside.  It stunk, but around here, it's expected and I've exercised in bad weather before, so it wasn't that much of an issue.  I was just about to leave, but as soon as I locked the door, I realized I made a huge mistake; I locked myself outside without my keys and no cell phone!  The cell phone wasn't as big of an issue since I never carry it in my workout gear, but my keys were essential because without them, I couldn't get back into my house to do anything.  No one else was home, so I tried going to my neighbors and tenants, but they were all gone, so I had to spend a few hours at my friends place.  Usually, I'm there all the time and it's not a problem, but I wasn't planning on going over.  So now, everything was inconvenient for me.  But I got myself into the situation, so now I had to get myself out.

I went to my friend's place, and luckily, he was there, so I could get out of the cold.  Normally, it would have been easy to call my dad, but since I didn't have my phone, I didn't have his work number.  And I needed that to call my sister who was the only one that could help me out.  I wasn't sure what to do, so I tried looking up his department's number online, since he works at a hospital, but it was confusing, and I kept getting messages, so that was frustrating.  Eventually, I reached him, but he didn't know when my sister was coming back, so long story short, I ran back and forth between blocks in the snow for hours until it was the afternoon and I finally got back in the house.  I feel dumb/stupid for locking myself out in the first place, but I feel even worst for not handling it to the best of my ability, which often happens when one is in a crisis.  I wish I could say that this will never happen again, but the next day, I left my keys in the door.  Luckily, my sister noticed it and saved me for a second day.  All I can say is lesson learned.  I feel a lot more humble.

Instagram, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Return to Social Media

HAPPY NEW YEAR, everybody!  It took much longer than I anticipated, but I'm back blogging like I eventually said I would be.  I should explain what I mean, though...

Months ago, back in September, I wrote my first blog post since the summer, proclaiming like Michael Jordan and LeBron James that I was back and ready to get back to blogging/writing  I was excited because I felt like the time off had helped me recharge my creative juices, and there was so much going on in the world to inspire me.  But then life happened and I got distracted.  I had to apply to jobs (which I'm still doing), save up paying for loans, attend family events, etc.  It was busy and tiresome, so I lacked the energy to write consistently.  And it's like I've said in the past.  If I can't give it my all, I won't do it at all, so I held off on writing, putting my blog in jeopardy.  If I was done blogging, I had nothing to be ashamed of, since I went farther than I ever expected with it, from all the posts I've done, to all the readers I've gotten.  Not to mention, I am trying to write a novel, so it's best to focus on one piece of work.  Yes, after thinking about it, I thought my blog was history.

But then something changed.  The past few months, while looking for jobs, I kept thinking about one thing my teacher told me during my last year of college, which was how important networking was.  She meant it in the professional sense because the more people you know, the better chance you have of landing a job, but I thought it applied well to life also.  In the past, I've thought of social media as negative because of how useless and invasive I thought it was, and how repetitive all the different platforms seemed, among other things.  Now that I've thought about it, though, I can see I was a little mistaken.  It does have aspects of the negativity I felt for it, but it has its positives.  Through Facebook and now Instagram (which I installed yesterday), I've connected with my friends and people I care about in more ways than one.  Yes, I always prefer real life or personal contact, but it's nice to see the different ways they express themselves, like through pictures since it gives me a chance to learn about them and keep in contact, which is obviously harder as we get older in life.  Part of me is still skeptical and even a little worried about social media, but I'm willing to try it out, if not for me, than for people I care about and the potential it can have on me.  It'll still be awhile until I see true results, but I can see some progress already.

There's no guarantee I can write on this blog consistently with life being the way it is, but I'll try. 

P.S, My Instagram name is matttoy6 for those who are interested.

Back Open For Business

Over a month ago, I wrote a blog post in which I said I was going to take a break from blogging because I just didn't have the time for it anymore.  Along with that, I didn't feel that as if I was putting forth my best effort in my work, and I was burnt out from writing.  But now that I've had time to relax and think, I'm back blogging.  I can't guarantee as much of an output with material like before, but with so much happening in the world, it's safe to say, I have a lot to work with. 

I have nothing to really say at the moment, though, besides that I'm back for business.

Gone For Now, But Not Forever

For the past year and 7 months (19 months), I've been blogging on this blog about all sorts of things that interest me, from movies, politics, sports, and TV.  Overall, it's been a fun and rewarding experience because I get to write about all those things, while honing my skills as a writer at the same time.  Now, after all this time, though, I think I'm done blogging for awhile.  It's not because I don't want to do this anymore; it's great seeing work of any kind published when it comes to being a writer, I just don't have the time to write as much anymore.  And once I do start working, it will nearly be impossible.  It's sad it's come to this, but it happens to us all in life. 

So with that in mind, I want to say Peace Out for now blog!  But I'm not too down because I know this isn't the end.  Also, I want to give a shout out for those who viewed or commented on my blog, showing it impacted some people.  I couldn't have done it without you all.  Thanks for the good times!  Talk to you all again in the future.

Sleep and Weather

When it comes to Summer, there aren't many things I like about it.  I like the nice weather because it gives me many opportunities to spend time with friends, but I hate the weather which makes me fatigued and sweaty.  To counter that, I usually turn on my air conditioner, but that doesn't work all the time, especially when I'm sleeping.  It can be cool in a room, but if it's too cold, I'll wake up, which can also make me sick in the process.  I could counter all that by turning off the air conditioner, but then I'd be hot again.  As you can see, I have all these issues (if you can call them that), and they're making me go to sleep and wake up at obscene hours.  Hence why I'm awake blogging now.  I can't predict the future, but I hope my sleep pattern gets fixed.  Otherwise, this summer is going to be longer than it already feels.

Full House

Growing up, my life revolved around so many TV shows that impacted my life.  There were the fun shows like Pokémon and Digimon, and educational ones on PBS like Arthur and Bill Nye the Science Guy.  But when it came to sitcoms, there were few.  Not counting animates series like the Simpsons, the only sitcoms that I watched were TGIF shows, such as Boy Meets World.  Everyone loves that show, as do I, but its run wasn't perfect (don't get me started on seasons 6-7).  There was a show before that that influenced me even more on that same network, though, which was Full House; that lovable show with Danny, Uncle Jesse, Joey, and his daughters, D.J, Stephanie, and Michelle.

Full House is something that I've revisited recently because my sister bought the complete series a few months ago.  I had wanted to buy and watch it for so long, but I put it off because other things got in the way.  Now that I have the time, though, I'm been rolling through the episodes, already on season 4 in a little over a week.  Re-watching the episodes, it's great to see the lessons/morals in every episode, and the togetherness of family.  Yes, it's cheesy and lame at some parts, but that's the appeal of it.  And honestly, I miss family sitcoms like Full House now because they can't be made now with the way society is.  Not to mention, the role social media plays has killed it altogether.  They can try on ABC Family with their shows, but the feel and writing isn't the same.  I might be being cynical on that subject, but that's how I feel.

So with that in mind, let's celebrate a loved, but underrated show in terms of how often it gets talked about.  Full House isn't the greatest show ever (who can determine that?), but it brought plenty of laughs and tears.  And on weekdays, thanks to syndication, it became a daily part of my life.  Now, thanks to my sister having the seasons, it's like I'm growing up all over again, and it's great.  Here's to the memories past and present!

The Better And Healthier Me

Today, I went into my basement and found something that I hadn't seen in years.  It wasn't a photo album or anything sentimental like that; it was my old stationary bike.  Not something people usually get excited over, but with my recent visit to the doctor, who said I needed to lose weight, what better way to add onto the exercise I already do, then riding my bike?  It's strenuous and convenient because I don't have to go outside my house to do it.  In the past, I didn't enjoy my bike because I found it boring, but now, I'm determined more than ever to lose the weight I need to be healthy.

After cleaning my bike because it was in the basement for so long, I decided to get on it and give it a test run.  Originally, I wasn't going to go too hard since it was my first time on it in years, but once I was on it, I rode it with no difficulties.  It was pretty easy with my IPod, and the only negatives were the seat, which hurt my butt.  Since the bike is old, it doesn't have good resistance settings, but you can turn the knob or just pedal harder, which I did.  I didn't expect to sweat so much, but in no time at all, I had ridden an hour straight and was sweating through my shirt.  Something I was very proud of.  Hopefully, that type of enthusiasm and results continue!  That way, I can be a better and healthier me.

My First WWE Live Event

I feel like when it comes to things I can talk about forever, the list goes on and on.  Writing, Sports, Love, it doesn't matter.  The only thing that matters is that it has to be something I'm passionate about.  Which is why it might come as a surprise to people that wrestling is one of the few things I can talk about forever.  It's not something I can say I love and can watch any time now, but back in the day, my middle school friends and I talked about it like a religion.  And it was at that time, I watched and followed it to the point I thought it was real (which I thought for awhile until I came to my senses).  Then came a span after when I stopped watching, which could be attributed to various things.  The wrestlers in WWE got worst, the story lines stunk, and I didn't have cable, so I was missing out anyways by only being able to watch Smackdown.  Then like many things in life, I had a rebirth of interest, so the past year or, I've been following WWE again, which culminated at my first live show on Sunday, which was the Money in the Bank PPV.

It was a surprise getting tickets in the first place because I didn't buy them.  My friends bought them for me as a birthday gift, so I was already floored by the gesture.  There are other things I feel like I would have wanted, but any time someone takes the time and effort to get you something, you should appreciate it.  I'm so used to giving that I never get anything, so this was a surprise I accepted with welcome arms.

It didn't hit me that we were actually going to the event until the day of, when I hung out with my friends and physically saw the tickets.  Then once we got to the venue where the Money in the Bank was going on, it was electric.  There were fans everywhere, signs, and chants that set the mood.  And the production value was amazing, with the sets, pyrotechnics, and matches themselves.  Some of the results weren't the way I expected or wanted, but it was still a great show, that made me want to go again in the future if possible, and revived my interest in wrestling for now and the foreseeable future.

The Return

After over two weeks off from writing because of school and other personal issues, I'm back doing one of the things I love, which is blogging/writing.  I have to admit, it felt weird being gone for so long since I dedicated myself to my blog at least 15-25 times a month, and every time in the past I thought I'd be gone, I came back in a few days.  But I was so burned out, and not feeling good mentally or physically.  For anyone who reads or checks out my work, I apologize, but I'm back now with lots of ideas.  I hope to continue writing more constantly from here on out, so thank you for your support!

-Matt Toy

Off Time

Lately, the past few weeks, it seems as though I've had so much to deal with.  I had my sister's wedding I had to be a part of, finish spring semester classes, start summer classes, etc.  I haven't had to work, which has been a benefit to me, but I feel spent.  Now, because of midterms and a few personal issues, my mindset hasn't been good, so I feel as though I need to take an extended break from blogging.  I know I said I would be blogging more because of being physically done with school, but sometimes a break is just needed.  Also, I think it will give me time to write better posts for you guys, which you all deserve, since my past few posts have been lacking to me.  I don't know how long I'll be gone, but hopefully when I come back, I feel better about everything going on in my life.

Catching Up With An Old Friend

I saw one of my closest friends yesterday that I hadn't seen in ages.  It had been so long that we didn't even remember the last time we saw each other, so we were looking forward to doing a lot.  When he showed up, we talked, watched a film, and went out to eat.  It might not seem like much, but it was, 7 hours to be exact.  My only regret was that we didn't have more time, but next time we hang out, we will.  It was just great seeing him and catching up, like it always is when you see good friends.  Hopefully, in the next few weeks, more good things will come.

Victim Blaming

With my birthday being this past Monday, and me turning another year older, I'd like to think some positives have come with another year of experiences.  But you can never tell right away.  Like many things in life, these things take time.  But one thing that has come with me being another year older is my awareness of what's going on in the world.  Lately, it seems like everyday there is something going on in the news about something happening to a person, like the woman who died posting a Facebook status while driving, or people committing a crime that they expect people to sympathize with.  It's something that I've thought about more since in my summer classes, they've repeatedly asked if we should blame the victim, which is a slippery slope in itself because if I've learned anything, it's that society blames the victim too much and doesn't focus enough on the offender.  But to leave out any blame for the victim would be ignorant, so it's something that I've thought long and hard about.

After reviewing everything over, I do believe that victims deserve some of the blame for their actions if they live a lifestyle that is high risk or just do something stupid.  For example, if they drink or party constantly, I won't feel sorry for them if something bad happens to them.  Even the woman who died posting that status to Facebook, I don't feel sorry for her because she did something stupid.  Is it sad someone died?  Yes, but it's even sadder that her death could have been prevented if she had just been smarter.  It might sounds harsh what I'm saying, but being harsh and stern is the only way to get through to a person sometimes.

A situation where I don't think a victim can be blamed is provoking somebody.  You hear about this all the time with sports fans, or women who dress too provocatively, but situations like that are too random and hard to predict.  And we all have situations like that when that happens, so I don't think we can blame the victim.  It doesn't seem fair, and in the case of women, it sets a double standard.

Of course, in some ways, even I admit to being hypocritical because if something terrible happened to one of my friends or someone I loved, I wouldn't want that.  But I'd like to think they're good people, who make sound decisions, and are smart in how they handle things.  When it comes to things like I see going on in the world, I don't feel sorry for people because they should know better.  Like I said, I may sounds harsh, but I doubt anyone would feel sorry for me, so why should I for them?  Victims have situations where they should be blamed, but that shouldn't always be the case, especially if you don't know the situation.  Know the facts before you pass judgment.

What A Wedding!

This past weekend, my sister and her fiance (now my brother-in-law) got married.  It was a joyous occasion, where two people celebrated their love for each other, but it was a day I wasn't really looking forward to, to be perfectly honest.  It's not that I have anything against weddings.  I just didn't know what to expect.  My family has been talking about this day for almost a year, so now that it was finally here, things were chaotic.  There were lots of arguments and yelling over finances and plans, we all had to pick out clothes, I had to learn how to use a video-camera last minute, and since I had never been to a wedding before as an adult, I was afraid I would make a mistake; it was so much, that it had me emotionally and physically drained, but when the moment came, I couldn't be happier.  My sister and her fiance's big moment was finally here, and everything went smoothly.  The day was long, but it was a great wedding day!

A few things I took away from my sister's wedding day was how important family truly is.  Everyone obviously know that, but we don't always say it or show it, so seeing it in person really made me appreciate my family for who we are and how much we've grown.  Not just my siblings and I, who have grown up a lot since we were children, but my parents, who have grown up wiser.  I also took away how magnificent churches really are as a structure.  I had never been in one before, since my family is not overly religious.  Everything I had ever seen of a church had just been a picture, but seeing it in person is a different experience because of all the architecture and paintings.  Lastly, I just took away how important love is to me.  I used to believe I'd get married, but now I'm not sure anymore.  I've struggled so much in the area that I don't know what the future holds.  But one thing I do know for sure is, that I still desire love, and it's still one of the most important things I value in life.  People hate weddings because it's so political and institutional, but being at one in person changes you.  On the outside, I may be the same person, but inside, I feel different.  I can't explain it, but I can feel it.    

Who knows what the future holds for me, but that's a story for another day.  For now, I just want to say congrats to my sister, Heather, and her husband Nick.  I'm so happy for you both.  Hopefully, I and others find our special someone someday...