Off Time

Lately, the past few weeks, it seems as though I've had so much to deal with.  I had my sister's wedding I had to be a part of, finish spring semester classes, start summer classes, etc.  I haven't had to work, which has been a benefit to me, but I feel spent.  Now, because of midterms and a few personal issues, my mindset hasn't been good, so I feel as though I need to take an extended break from blogging.  I know I said I would be blogging more because of being physically done with school, but sometimes a break is just needed.  Also, I think it will give me time to write better posts for you guys, which you all deserve, since my past few posts have been lacking to me.  I don't know how long I'll be gone, but hopefully when I come back, I feel better about everything going on in my life.

Starting Summer Classes

On Monday, I started summer sessions for the final 2 classes I need to graduate.  Both of the classes don't seem that bad so far, but there's going to be a lot of reading and note-taking I'm sure I'll have to do.  Part of me feels overwhelmed that I'm already back doing schoolwork after barely over a week off, but at least my work ethic is still intact.  I just hope I don't make a mistake and can pass the classes.

It'll be a few long months of work, but I'm sure there's light at the end of the tunnel.

My Choices For Guest Speaker

Over the weekend, my school's commencement took place.  I didn't go for my own personal reasons, but heard it was quite an event from social media.  Not just because so many students were finished with school forever, but because Bill Nye the Science Guy gave a speech to the students.  I still have yet to see any pictures, but it's cool that someone I idolized and watched growing up actually came to my school.  It makes me wish I went, but I didn't, and I can't change the past.  One thing it did make me do was think about who I'd want to speak at my graduation if I had a choice.  It sounds like it would be easy with all the people we pay attention to or like, but I tried discussing it with classmates a few weeks ago, and had a hard time.  Time has passed, so I have a few choices in mind, but even now, I'm still unsure.

My only criteria for who I've chosen is that they have to have gone to college, had some higher form of education (because it makes little sense to have a dropout give students advice.  It's unrealistic for them to succeed with no degree), or succeeded in life.  If they meet that, anyone qualifies.  So without further ado, here's my list (so far) in no particular order...

• Patrick Stewart: The guy was Jean-Luc Picard on Star Trek: The Next Generation, leading the Enterprise, plays Charles Xavier, and is an accomplished stage actor, with a knowledge of Shakespeare.  He'd fit in well at my school.
• Steven Spielberg: What else needs to be said about the director who has basically done everything?
• Anderson Cooper: One of the best journalists out there, who appeals to different generations with his interview and writing style.  I think lots of students would be excited by him.
• The Williams Sisters: Two women who not only changed tennis for women, but sports in general.  Their stories are very inspirational, and they are one of the main reasons why I like tennis so much. 

B+ In Spanish

Today, I received my final grade of the spring semester, which of course was for Spanish (if you couldn't guess).  I had received all A's in all my previous classes, but didn't expect much for Spanish because I had just done good to average work during the semester.  I would have taken any grade in the class, as long as I passed and didn't have to take it anymore.  Much to my surprise, though, I looked online and saw that I got a B+ in the class, something which shocked me.

In some ways, I know why I got the grade I did, but it's still a surprise to do well in a class I didn't think I would; I mean, I did participate a lot in class, do the work, and do well in other areas, but I only got B's on the tests, and made blunders in other areas.  I'm so happy I did well ,though.  Languages have always been an area of uncertainty and weakness for me, and are one of the sole reasons why I had to stay an extra year in school in the first place.  So to do well in something I didn't know that I'd ever pass is one of my highest achievements, truly showing that effort and hard work pay off.

Thanks to my teacher Max for being the best Spanish teacher ever, and to my classmates in class who made the tough times bearable.  I couldn't have done it without you all.

Done With School Physically

With my last final being today, I am officially done with not only school for the semester, but ever having to physically be on campus again.  It's a great feeling, considering I'm a super senior and have been here for 5 long years.  Not to mention, I've had my struggles and hardships like anyone else, but it's worth it to finally succeed in an area I didn't always believe I would.  The work is not over yet because I start summer classes in 10 days, but it feels good to knock down one barrier, and continue forward with my life.  Hopefully, more positive things come as time passes.  But as of now, I feel pretty content.

Final Free Day

Today is the last full free day I have before I have my last two days of finals.  In some ways, it's nice to have the free time to relax, but at the same time, having all this free time with nothing to do stinks.  Not to mention, I've had a lot on my mind the past 72 hours that has caused me to think too much to the point of stressing out.  It's never a good thing to think too much, but it's even worse when you have unlimited time.  That's why today, I'm going to try to enjoy this last full day, even if I'm studying since I won't have many more days of this in the future (that much I do know).  Hopefully, I can end the semester strong, and there are good times ahead.

Hoping, praying, waiting...

Done With Classes

I'm done with classes for the semester, today!  I still have one more week of finals, and then summer classes later on in the month, but what does that matter?  I'm done with physically ever having to be in school for class again!

Choosing A Side

Today, I had my first ever debate in school, which seems hard to believe considering how long I've been in school, and how the media portrays debates as frequent, but it's true.  I was very nervous for it because the subject was about children and IPV, along with the fact that I wasn't sure if I had done enough research on the material, but once the debate started, things calmed down.  I didn't talk as much as I would have liked because the questions I focused on weren't asked, but I still gave my two cents about something, which gave me credit for showing up in the first place. 

One thing I realized from my debate was that if you had the easier side, the debate was better for you, since I noticed that the other team was confused with their answers and questions.  I felt bad for them since they all didn't choose the side they were on, but I was happy my side won.  And I can tell you, the previous week, my team and I were busy keeping in contact and doing research.  A debate is harder than it seems though.  You think you're just going to talk, but you need to answer the question, be direct, and have sources when necessary, which is a lot of pressure to have on a person.  If I had to do it over again, I think I could do it better; I just wish debates didn't always have to be political and stick to one side, when it seems most of the time, people are split down the middle on an issue.  But, that's just the way life is for the things we care about.

So all in all, I probably focused on the debate for my class more than I should have, but better to be prepared than not at all.  And in the end, it paid off choosing my side.

Finishing The Year Strong

Because of the marathon yesterday in Boston, it was a busy/hectic weekend, but for everyone in the city, it was an event to behold.  I didn't actually get a chance to go to the marathon this year because of homework, but I watched some of it on TV, and still had a great weekend, seeing some old friends, ordering food, and just relaxing as a whole.  With the day off yesterday, I think I enjoyed the holiday too much, but now that there's only two weeks of school left, I'm ready to buckle down to the finish line.  There are a few things left that worry me, such as a debate I have tomorrow and a few essays I have due, but I know I can handle them; I just need to believe and stay composed like I have been this semester, and I'll be fine.

Also, I'm sorry I haven't blogged much the past week.  I've been so busy, but I will try to more now that the semester is drawing to the close.  Best of luck to everyone as school is reaching its end!

Reconnected

Yesterday, I reactivated my Facebook account for the first time in about 3 and a half years.  It was a momentous occasion because it had been so long, but I remembered why I left in the first place: because of personal reasons, it distracted me from school, and it was starting to get boring to the point that I wasn't even interacting with my friends anymore.  That was why I left, but I decided yesterday now was the time to come back.  And after waiting the mandatory 24 hours it took to reactivate my Facebook account again, I was back online.

My first thoughts were on the new format, since the last time I was on, timeline didn't even exist yet.  It took forever to get used to everything, but after hitting a few buttons and moving some things around, I think I'm getting used to it.  Although, like many, I'll always like whatever the previous format was better.  After doing that, I un-friended about 230+ of my 320 friends, which was harsh because some of the people were people I really liked or used to talk to, but that's the point.  We used to talk and be friends, but not anymore with everything that's happened, and all the time that has passed, so for Facebook to truly be mine and personal, I had to give many people the ax.  Hopefully, they don't take it personally.  It feels weird having so few friends, but it feels so right too.  I'll always have issues and worry with privacy when it comes to social media and anything online, but this is a step in the right direction, and having only the people I want know about me.

With it being over 24 hours since I've been online, I have to say, it feels good to be back on Facebook, being caught up with the world, and my friends, who are always going to be the most important people in the world (besides family).  I've been so overwhelmed with the likes and positive comments I've received, thatI could cry.  Is Facebook still distracting?  Yes and no.  Yes, because it's social media, so like anything involving people, it will distract, but the time away has made me realize I don't need to be on it all the time.  And with the new format, that isn't too hard to do.  You've been gone from my life for awhile Facebook, but I think now, I'm here to stay.

Critiquing Work

I think I'm spoiled sometimes, because as a writer, I feel as though I can have an opinion on anything and say it, but when someone criticizes me, that's when I shut up and be quiet.  That happens a lot during school, especially in my Creative Writing classes, where we critique and workshop other people's work.  Whenever we've worked on my classmates work, I've told them what worked and what didn't, but I'm still pretty shy about it.  I think I'm like that because everyone else is always quiet, and no one seems agrees with me, so I feel signaled out by the teacher, which is never a good feeling.  Since I'm so close to graduating, I should be used to it and not care, but I can't help being affected by criticism or just making a mistake.  

Today, it was my turn to get work-shopped, and I was as anxious as could be.  I had all weekend to get the jitters out of my system, but everyday, I just kept wanting Monday to be over.  Well, now that my class has come and passed, I can say, getting work-shopped wasn't that bad, and I got worked up over nothing.  There was a lot of stuff I needed to improve on in terms of my writing, but everyone liked how honestly I wrote, and how dedicated I was to crafting my work.  Not to mention, I've improved in every draft, which is good.  My teacher was even impressed, shook my hand, and said I'm close to my potential; a comment that made me so happy.  Anyone can compliment your work, but when you get praise or pointers from someone famous like my teacher is, you take notice.  My writing might not be perfect, but I'm making strides, and authentically writing everyday, which is all I can do.  Hopefully, all the hard work pays off.

Till then, I'll just be writing, writing, writing...

Home Stretch

Because I came back from spring break a few days ago, that means that I only have a little more than 5 weeks physically left at college (if everything goes well).  It's daunting and scary to think about, but at the same time, I'm happy that I'm so close to being done.  The feeling is not fully there yet since I still have so many essays and tests to do, as well as 2 online courses over the summer, but I'm taking things one day at a time.  And eventually, I know that I'll be done, hopefully on the way to better things.  School is not over yet, but I'm ready for the home stretch that is these last 5 weeks, ready to face whatever's ahead.

Saved By The Computer Lab

As a child, one thing I loathed at school was computer classes.  I'm not sure why that was because the teachers I had were all very nice, but I just struggled with computers of all kinds.  I broke them, froze them, misplaced them, and even got a virus on one of them.  It was enough to leave me traumatized, and dislike using computers throughout my years at school, which as you all know, is pretty much impossible considering how often we have to use it for schoolwork.  Eventually, I got over my fear, and got better with computers, which helped lead me to more success.  But with the recent internet outage at my place at school, I realized how important the internet really is.  Yes, we constantly use it, but I don't think I really appreciated it until recently.

That's why I'm so thankful for my school's computer lab.  Without it, I wouldn't be able to do any schoolwork, check grades, or even blog like I'm doing now.  I know there are lots of things about school I dislike, and even if they build me a private wing, I'll still think they take too much money, but I'm grateful for their online resources, which have made me week here a lot easier.

Hope my internet gets fixed soon!  I miss doing things on my own.

The "B" Day

We all have those days when we know we aren't on our "A" games.  Sometimes it's something that we even joke about.  But when those days happen, they usually always seem to come at the worst times, which was the case for me yesterday.  My day started off well, but left me with more questions than answers, which is a shame considering how great I felt.

The day started off in my CJ class, where my teacher loved me because I read the chapter and was vocal about it.  I read the assigned chapters all the time (usually more than once), but rarely participate because I'm introverted and the class has close to 100 people in it.  With a class size that big, you don't think you need to speak all the time.  But I felt like I did yesterday, since the other students didn't care, which made the teacher notice me.  Even though that was not my norm, I have to admit that felt good.  Transitioning from that, my Sociology class had the same results.  I usually always talk when we have group discussions, especially when I have to be the facilitator/leader, but yesterday, I was on a roll, contributing my own life stories, asking questions, etc.  It was all really wonderful, and had me pumped for my Spanish test I was going to take later, which was the thing I was nervous about all day.

Now, I was supposed to take this test last week, but with all the snow days and the fact my teacher became sick, it got pushed back.  Usually I jump for joy when something being pushed back, but tests are different.  When I have more time, that usually makes me more anxious.  And since I was so busy, I didn't study as much as I should have.  Even when I did study though, when it came to the test, I froze; I forgot vocabulary words and even forgot the most basic grammar, which was disappointing to me because the test was very straightforward, and 9 times out of 10, I know I'd do better.  But I was the last person finished, and when I handed in my test, I knew I didn't do as well as I should of. I didn't fail, but I didn't ace it, which is what I wanted.  I could be wrong, but I won't know until it's graded.

That was my day yesterday.  In a lot of ways, not much happened, but at the same time, a lot did with everything being out of the ordinary for me.  Considering how good I felt, I wish the results carried over to my test, but I guess I wasn't on my "A" game as much as I thought I was.  I was just at a "C" or a "B", which is what I think I usually am anyways when it comes to school since I always have to try harder.  As I said before, I could be wrong and do better on the test than I thought, but regardless of what grade I get, I know I need to do better and put this day behind me, cause tomorrow, I have another test, which definitely needs me to be on my "A" game.

Rough Week Ahead

Having so many things due in the 7 days, like essays, homework, and tests, I don't know if I'll have time to write, let alone blog, so if I don't, I apologize.  Hopefully, this week isn't that bad though, and I can get through it, passing everything I need to.  If not, just gotta come back with a good demeanor, trying harder than before.

Only 10 more weeks of school to go.  Don't know if I'll make it, but I'll try to.  The other incentive is that at least it's only a month from spring break.

Praying For Snow

I usually don't hope for a snow day, but with tomorrow's supposed Nor'easter on the way, and my area likely to get a bulk of it, I'm hoping they cancel classes.  I know we had a snow day just a week ago, but that was on a Wednesday, when I only have one class.  On Thursdays, I have 3 classes, and am on campus for close to 8 hours, which is so tiring, even the teachers want the day off.  Now, I was planning on going out anyways because I have to go back to Boston, but my trip would be a lot easier if I had a head start in the morning.  Guess we won't know for a few hours, but here's hoping.  And if we do have class, at least make it so it isn't that bad.  I'm begging you God!

Less Than Necessary

For the past few days, I've been spending my time on the school library website, looking up database sources for a paper.  Being an English major, this is nothing new to me, but now that this is my final full semester, I have to admit, I'm pretty tired of it.  Looking up sources is necessary and even easy at times, but not this time.  I have a research paper to write that needs 6 outside sources.  Now, the fact that my paper only needs to be 5 pages and is only 10% of the grade is a plus, but it also needs 6 scholarly sources, which is hard to find.  It's not like there isn't any information out there, but with so much garbage and duplicates, it's hard to keep track of what you need and what you don't.  My friend Phu always used to complain about essays because he said teachers always made them unnecessarily tedious for no reason.  Like why would we need X amount of sources or words when we can do it in less.  I understand his points, but I also know teachers need to have guidelines, and that sources back up what you're trying to say.  Still, sometimes, I wish it were easier.

Only 11 weeks of school to go...  

70-79

I'm pretty fickle when it comes to picking what my favorite things are.  If you ask me to name my favorite sports athlete or film, you'll get an answer, but you'll also get lots of other answers along with it.  One thing I'm not fickle about though are my favorite numbers.  I love the number 6 because of Bill Russell, who won his whole life, and was really the first athlete I looked up to because of everything he had to deal with.  Numbers I hate are numbers between 70-79.  No, it's not because I hate NFL offensive and defensive lineman; it's because whenever I take quizzes or tests in school, no matter how much I study and try, that always seems to be the grade range I get.  I should be used to it by now, especially being in school for as long as I have, but seeing any grade with a 7 makes me angry.

I question all the time why it's like this for me.  I study more than most people, know I try harder in certain classes (especially gen eds), and think I'm a decently knowledgeable person, yet no matter what, I always fall short.  It stinks, especially when there are people out there who don't try as hard, and yet, somehow they get better grades.  We all know those type of people; I just wish it didn't have to happen during my last full semester, when so much rides on me passing and every grade is make or break. 

In my earlier years of school, a grade in the 70-79 or C range devastated me because I was always so close to proficient, but now I try to look on the bright side of things.  I got between a 70-79, but I didn't fail.  And being this close means that I'm one step closer to getting to the 80-89 range.  I just have to work a little harder, which I know I am capable of doing. 

Time To Breathe And Heal

A whole week of school hasn't technically gone by, but my first week of classes is over, so I'm counting that as a whole week of school done with.  Only 13 weeks of school to go.  I know I'm getting ahead of myself, but I can't help it; this first week of school has been so long and rough.  It felt like it would never end, but now that it's Friday, I finally have some time to reflect back on the past few days.

Tuesday was difficult since it was the first day and everything that could've went wrong happened.  I had to get a book from the bookstore, but while I was walking there, I slipped on ice, and scabbed both my hands trying to break my fall.  They weren't bad, but they were definitely bleeding, so I had to clean them up.  After that, I rented the book I needed, but missed the bus in the process.  I only had 40 minutes until class, so I walked over to the other campus in the single digit degree weather, which stunk.  I got to my classes, which weren't so bad, but they definitely seemed like they'd be a lot of work.  Luckily, all the professors seemed cool/nice.  Then later on in the day, I tried going to my Spanish class in a new building, but my ID didn't work, so I was locked in the cold, until someone came and let me in.  It was a terrible first day, accentuated by the cold and the concern I had about my classes.

Day 2 was better since I only had one class, which gave me time to relax and get ahead on reading, which I found very interesting.  My Intimate Partner Violence class I'm taking has some subject matter that make me uncomfortable, and some very long assignments, but the class seems interesting, and is definitely doable if I do the work, which I know it can do.  I didn't feel amazing day 2, but after switching my schedule around, I felt better, which carried over into Day 3 yesterday, where I had the best day of class so far.  I took notes, passed a quiz, participated in class, and didn't freeze to death.  I'm already tired of school after only a few days, but it's times like this that I'm glad I have some time to stop, breathe, and heal.  I need it.

Syllabi

With class back in session less than 24 hours from now, there's a myriad of emotions I'm feeling.  The two I'm feeling most are anticipation and fear.  On one hand, I'm anticipating starting classes, and finishing my final full semester at school, but at the same time, I'm fearful I might make a mistake, since 6 classes leaves little room for error.  I have options/resources to help me, but I want things to go right for a change, and that involves me not being afraid and doing things for myself.

Being in school now for 15-17 years, I know what to expect out of the first day.  There are jitters, but I know the day as a whole is mostly relaxed since all teachers usually do is goes over their syllabi.  Despite that, I'm always a little intimidated by the syllabi I see.  They have so much information with dates, classwork, homework, examinations, etc.  Sometimes the information on them is clear, but other times it's not.  And when the teacher doesn't print out the syllabi, that's annoying because most likely, you're making the students pay for something you should give, and if they have questions, they can't ask you them in person.  I know e-mail is convenient and even preferred by most students, but there are some things that can only be cleared up in person. 

School's tomorrow, and I've already received a few preliminary assignments and syllabi.  At first glimpse, the syllabi look daunting, but after reviewing them and starting some of the work early, it isn't that bad.  I just need to relax and get a week or two under my belt first, then I'll be in the flow of things.  Of course, things can always change in an instant, so hopefully, this final full semester is a good one.  I know though, by staying committed and working hard, I can do anything, and no matter what, I'm going to do well this semester!