Native Language

My best friend Scotty can attest that back in high school, I used to joke about him talking to his mom in his native language/tongue.  He was a good sport about it and always laughed, but deep down, it was something I envied.  I'm Chinese-American, but I can barely speak or understand the language.  It didn't use to always be that way.  As a child, I could speak and understand Chinese great, but even then, I was always the worst, and as I got older, I lost grasp of it.  I tried relearning it again, but with no time to practice, nothing ever came to fruition.

Considering that most people I know struggle with languages, this probably isn't as big a deal as I'm making it, but being Chinese, they make it a big deal.  Since they speak it all the time, when they realize that you can't speak it, they're shocked and look down on you.  Families do it, but strangers do it as well.  For example, when I was in a store in Chinatown on Monday, some woman tried speaking to me in Chinese, to try and tell me about the things being sold in her shops.  But when I said "sorry", she apologized.  Even though I'm sure she felt bad, I know deep down, like most Chinese people, she was embarrassed that someone like me can't even speak the language.  Unfortunately, moments like that happen all the time, which is why I try to avoid Chinatown as much as I can.  My friends like it because the food is cheap and good, but the food isn't that healthy, and if I'm going to be criticized, there are always other alternatives.

I understand the criticism since I am Chinese, so why not learn the language?  I get that, but I want to do it eventually at my own pace, not be forced to do it.  Yes, I know language unites people, but what about being independent and breaking the stereotypes?  I might not be able to speak or understand Chinese, but I can speak English, which is necessary for this country.  And I'm educated and very strong.  You can live like we're back in China all you want, but you set a bad example when you criticize one of your own for no reason.  It's like when African Americans criticize other African Americans who are smart by calling them "white".  It doesn't solve anything, so just let everyone live their life the way they want to.  As much as language unites people, that lesson is something that I believe does it more.