My Psychology and Women class did an activity a few weeks ago that was minor, but left a huge impression on me. It was this activity called 5 for 5, where my teacher asks us 5 questions in 5 minutes which we have to answer as best we can. Most of the time, the questions were standard, like what did you think of class, or do you have any thoughts/concerns about the class, but one question she asked really stuck out to me. What are the three most important things to you about relationships? Now, because we had been learning about Intimate Partner Violence, this was a touchy subject with lots of information new to me. But it also stood out because of how I feel about love, which is idealistic and optimistic; it didn't always used to be like that though, especially with my struggles and how I've seen others handle it. This was a minor question, but it was something that required a lot of thought.
I thought long and hard about the question for a few seconds, with countless words going through my head: honesty, love, communication, friendship, effort, trust, equality, happiness, etc. among others. If it were possible, I would have listed all of them, but I could only pick three, which was not an easy thing to do. I knew things like honesty and love had to be there, but things like communication and happiness intertwined. It was not easy to do, but in the end, I picked love, honesty, and effort as the most important things in a relationship in that order. Putting love first could be seen as negative to some, but I meant love in the sense that it was important for someone to actually have feelings and care about you as a person, which mixes in with many things. Honesty speaks for itself, and things like communication and trust went with effort. I handed in my answers feeling okay, but then instantly wondered if I had made a mistake. Then again, how can you make a mistake on how you feel?
A few weeks later, the results were read for what both men and women thought was necessary for a relationship. I forget the women's first choice, but honesty and sense of humor made their top 3, which I thought was brilliant and amazing, since sense of humor is something I think about all the time that seems obvious, yet it didn't even cross my mind once. For the men, they picked love, honesty, and communication, which startled everyone in the class. Now, the results may not seem shocking since obviously a lot of people thought the same things were necessary, but because of what we've been learning in our class, it would seem as though most people desire something sexual or artificial in a relationship, but we proved that relationships were changing with the times, and that some men and women wanted the same things now compared to before.
I've thought about everything in depth since then, and still wonder what the most important things are to a relationship, but I honestly think there isn't one answer. It's a variety of answers, like the ones I listed before since many people want different things. But while we all want a number different things, one thing I think we can all agree on is that we all want to be happy and help make the people we love and care about happy as well.
What do you think though? Are there things you value in more in a relationship than others? And do you seem similarities between what men and women want, or do you think they are different?
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